


Gang Wars

by WritingAddict



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: College, F/F, Gang War, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 18:25:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3498344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingAddict/pseuds/WritingAddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU where Clarke, a med student, gets herself caught into a gang war. <br/>Featuring : <br/>Lexa as a street gang leader ; Anya as a total badass ; Lincoln as a drug dealer ; Bellamy as the cop hunting them down ; and Octavia is torn in between her brother and her lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dark Alleys and Death Threats

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I do not own anything. Lexa, Clarke, Bellamy, Anya and other characters are property of the amazing The 100 TV show.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, I'm only introducing Clarke, Anya, and Bellamy.  
> Lexa will appear in the next.  
> Enjoy ! :)

Hey guys, so this is my very first fanfic. It's also the first time I've written anything in English, and I'm having a blast doing this. I hope you like it !

 

 

As she walked down the street to go home after class, like she did everyday, Clarke Griffin didn't know her life was about to change. 

It was Friday, and, after more than ten hours of studying, she felt exhausted. Clarke was a brilliant, hard-working young girl, all of her teachers agreed on that. Those two qualities had made her one of the best students in med school. She hoped she would be as good a doctor as her mom, who was a well renowned surgeon.

Suddenly, Clarke was snapped out of her thoughts by a sharp noise that echoed through the early night. It was a gunshot, she realized, freezing, her heart beating at an increased rhythm. The street was empty and dark, and she felt too exposed. She heard shouting in the distance, voices that were getting closer quickly.

Clarke spotted a narrow alley between two buildings, and rushed in there to hide. The alley was cold and extremely dark, but it felt safer than the main street, where some kind of shooting was happening. She held her breath, hoping the people shouting and firing guns wouldn't see her. Adrenaline was flowing through her veins, and she oddly enjoyed it, even though she knew she was in a very dangerous situation.

“For the last time, stop right now !”

The people were now close enough for Clarke to make out what they were saying. By the sound of it, she guessed that there were only two people running. The same voice, belonging to a man, yelled again.

“I summoned you to stop, you're under arrest !”

Relief flooded through Clarke, her tense body relaxing a bit. These people were policemen, not some criminals raising hell in the streets. They wouldn't hurt her.

But, whoever they were chasing might very well…

A hand landed roughly on her mouth, forcing her to silence. Clarke was now pressed against the wall by a stranger in a leather jacket, whom, quiet as a cat, she hadn't noticed was coming towards her.

“Okay now you shut up, or I swear I'll kill you”, whispered the person to Clarke. It was a young woman, maybe a few years older than her. Without any lighting, Clarke couldn't quite see her features, but her eyes were glowing with a wild, fiery look. 

The young woman was standing so close to her that her hot breath brushed Clarke's face, one hand blocking any sound coming from her mouth, the other pinning Clarke against the wall. The blonde girl could feel the hard, cold bricks of the wall against her back. She nodded slowly, not doubting that this wasn't an empty threat.

“Wise decision.” the fugitive murmured, shoving Clarke further into the narrow alley, where they couldn't be seen.

“I think we lost her, captain.” said an unknown voice, a young man, very close to them.

“I can't believe it. We've been hunting her all day, and yet she still manages to slip through our fingers !”

“I think I've hit her though, captain. She's probably not going to run much further with that bullet in her body.”

“Yeah, right, that was a nice shot, Blake. C'm'on, let's go check into the hospital. We'll find her there, if she isn't stubborn enough to bleed out in the streets.”

The voices eventually faded away.

Great, thought Clarke. The cops are gone and there you are, left alone with a criminal who just threatened to kill you.

The young woman took a few steps back, eyes still locked on Clarke. She seemed to be eager to run away again, but she was indeed hurt. The gunshot was directed at her, Clarke realized, and the cop's – Blake, was it ? - bullet had hit her right shoulder. She was losing a lot of blood.

“You need to go to the hospital”, said Clarke, her medical instincts taking over her fear. “I'm going to call an ambulance right now.”

She put her hand in her pocket to get her phone, but the wounded girl shoved her against the wall once again.

“No. They would catch me, and I won't let that happen.” she retorted with a hard voice.

“But you need medical help, whether you want it or not”, replied Clarke angrily, pushing her away. That caught the fugitive off-balance, and she fell to her knees, too weak to remain standing.

“I would rather die out there than get caught by the cops.” she spat harshly, her blood dropping to the floor.

She was seriously injured, and yet she wouldn't surrender. She might very well die there, Clarke realized. But she couldn't just let her die, she could help and save her…

“I'm going to take care of you then”, she decided all of a sudden, knowing already that it was a mistake. “I have medical training.”

Surprisingly, the other girl didn't refuse. Instead, she nodded.

“Promise me you won't call the authorities. Or anybody.” she said painfully, holding her arm.

“I promise. On my honor as a future doctor.”

\---

Fortunately, Clarke's apartment wasn't very far. She half-dragged, half-carried the young woman, an arm around her waist to keep her standing. That girl was very strong, and brave, but she was getting weaker every minute. 

Clarke needed her to keep walking. They were almost there. She wouldn't be able to carry her if she passed out.

“I'm Clarke, by the way.” she said, hoping small talk would help the girl staying conscious.

“What, you wanna be... friends now ? After... I threatened to murder you ?” replied the girl ironically, her breath unsteady.

“Well I'm trying to save your life over there. You could at least pretend to be nice.”

“Whatever. I'm not planning... on staying with you very long. I just… need to rest… But if you must know... I'm Anya.”

“Anya, we are going to fix you up, but you will need some time to recover.” Clarke warned.

“You don't get... to decide that. Besides... There is no 'we'.”

\---

They finally made it to Clarke's building. Her flat was on the first floor, so they didn't have too much trouble reaching it. One arm around Anya, Clarke searched through her pockets for her key. She unlocked the door and they walked in.

As soon as they were inside, door closed, Anya collapsed. She was livid, her brow slick with sweat, dripping in blood.

Well, she would have to clean this place really good before inviting someone over.

It was the first time the light allowed Clarke to get a proper look at the wounded young woman. Despite her injury and how it affected her, she was very beautiful, in a wild way. That girl must have been through a lot, reflected Clarke. Her hair was a chestnut-brown mess, and her eyes carried an aggressive, sharp look. 

But now was definitively not the time to stare. Clarke rushed into the nearest room to get her first aid kit, and got back to the living room, where Anya was lying on the floor, breathing painfully.

« I need to get you out of this leather jacket. I will have to cut through it. »

It appeared that Anya cared about her jacket, because she took it off immediately, her teeth gritted, ignoring the wave of intense pain that shot through her body. The effort left her weaker than before. Clarke saw her eyelids flickering, and she slipped a pillow beneath Anya's head, as the girl was drifting into unconsciousness.

Okay, it was up to her now. It was time to get to work. Her life depended on Clarke.

\---

When Bellamy Blake headed home, the night was already long started. Being a cop could be a tricky job sometimes, but he thought it was worth it. Exhausting, yeah, sure it was, but this was way more interesting than working in a dull office. 

Today had been a special day. He and his captain had got an anonymous phone call, giving them the address of a girl involved in a criminal gang. But as soon as they got there, the young woman spotted them and started to run.

They chased her all day long, but she wouldn't surrender. Bellamy shot her, and shortly afterwards they lost her track. He and his captain visited the nearest hospital, and even two others, but none had heard of a girl wounded by a firearm in the last couple of hours.  
That should have surprised Bellamy, but he had come to understand the pride and the stubbornness of that woman. 

However, that only left two options. First one : she would bleed out and die, and her body would soon be found.

Second option : she got help. From someone with pretty efficient healing skills.

Bellamy took a quick shower and texted his beloved little sister Octavia.

\- Hey sis' ! I'm still alive. Dunno why you worry so much about me. See ya tomorrow at lunch. Goodnight ! Bell. -

He went to bed, enjoying the softness of the sheets, that were soothing his body after such a rough day.

He couldn't stop thinking about that case. Criminal gangs was definitively a huge problem for the city, and that issue needed to be solved. Drugs dealers and weapons carriers, thieves and murderers were plaguing this city, his city.

Bellamy had just started the job a month ago, but he was already very involved in it. 

“I'm going to end this.” he said out loud in the darkness of his bedroom. He was doing this quite a lot lately, since his sister moved to the college campus, leaving him alone in the apartment. “I'm going to catch that Anya girl, and find out who she is working for. Then, I will bring them down. Every single one of them.”


	2. Meeting the Boss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke encounters Anya's very sexy employer.

Clarke opened her eyes slowly. Her whole body was aching, for she had been sleeping on a chair. Well, she barely slept at all anyway. Taking care of Anya had been extremely hard, but she was always up for a challenge.

She had first cut the girl's shirt, in order to attend properly to the injury. Then, with extreme caution, she extracted the bullet, which was still in Anya's shoulder. After that, she cleaned the wound and stitched it. Anya was unconscious during the whole process, which was probably for the better.

Clarke got up and stretched her arms and legs with relief. She had preferred to stay next to Anya, in case she woke up or needed anything.

Right now, she was fast asleep, looking peaceful, which was quite out of character, thought Clarke. She couldn't help but smile at that.

_I certainly won't_ _find the situation that funny when she wakes up..._

Clarke shook her head and decided that she needed to take a shower. She took her time, her body relaxing under the stream of hot water. She was extremely happy that it was Saturday. She hadn't planned anything that day, which was a blessing, considering the injured criminal in her living room.

She put on black jeans an a blue shirt, and got out of the bathroom. She grasped a clean towel and soaked it with fresh water. Then, she went to sit next to Anya and put the towel on the girl's forehead. She figured that would do her some good.

At the contact of the towel, Anya's eyes fluttered open. Clarke watched her as a series of emotions flashed in her look. There was panicking at first, then recognition when she saw Clarke, and her facial expression finally hardened.

“How long have I been unconscious ?” Anya asked in a low, raspy voice, trying to sit up.

“All night. But it's only 8 am. Hey, easy there, or I will have to stitch you all over again.” Clarke answered in a calm voice, almost a whisper.

Anya looked at herself, noticing the bandage on her shoulder and her torn shirt.

“Seems like you owe me a shirt, Clarke”, she grunted.

“And you owe me your life, don't forget that”, snapped back Clarke, irritated by the lack of gratitude.

Anya raised an eyebrow, skepticism clearly displayed on her face.

“I've survived worse than that.” She tried to stand up, legs trembling. “I need to...”

“No, no, you can't stand up yet ! It will start bleeding again...” said Clarke, alarmed.

This was the most stubborn wounded person she had ever seen. Clarke helped her move over to the couch, but she firmly forced her to sit. Anya had spent the night on the floor, and she visibly enjoyed that new comfort, though she would never admit it.

“I'm going to give you something to eat. Then you can have a bath.” added the blonde girl, taking in consideration the dried blood covering Anya's body. “And don't you dare trying to move. You need to stay put.”

Clarke moved to the other side of the room, where was the kitchen. Her apartment was pretty small, with two rooms. One was her bedroom, and the other she used as a kitchen as well as a living room. She opened the fridge, looking for something to feed her guest – or her patient, whatever. She decided to opt for a homemade sandwich, and also prepared one to herself.

“Here.” she handed Anya the food and a bottle of water, and sit next to her on the couch.

Anya started to drink and eat at once, not bothering to thank Clarke. The blonde girl rolled her eyes and ate as well.

“So what did you do to upset the cops that much ?” Clarke said, trying to break the awkward silence. Anya shot her a glare, and kept on eating.

_Wonderful ! Now things are even more awkward._

They finished their sandwiches quietly.

“That bath sounds good.” finally said Anya. “And, uh... do you have a shirt for me ?”

“Yes, of course, I'll be right back !” replied Clarke with a smile.

She went to her bedroom, and fumbled through her drawers, looking for a shirt she never wore. She had an intuition that she would never get it back.

She grabbed a towel too, and helped Anya move to the bathroom.

“So, well... Do you need help to...get undressed ?” asked Clarke, slightly embarrassed.

“I'll be fine.” answered Anya, her voice harsh.

Clarke raised her hands as a sign of peace and got out of the bathroom. Anya slammed the door shut right behind her.

 

\---

 

“Your taste in clothes is really crappy. A pink shirt with yellow flowers, seriously ?”

Clarke hadn't heard Anya getting out of the bathroom. She had been lying in her bed, trying to get some rest. She sit up, spotting Anya, who was leaning on her bedroom door, a cold smirk on her face.

“I never wear it.” replied Clarke defensively.

“I need your phone. I have to call my boss.” said the young woman, all emotions wiped out of her features.

Clarke considered it for a moment. She knew what she was doing was wrong, hiding a criminal hunted by the police, and she didn't really want to get more involved in this.

“I don't know”, she finally said. “I don't want to get into trouble.”

“Maybe you should have worried about that before you took me to your flat. You basically helped me fleeing the authorities.”

Clarke shook her head.

“That's not the same thing. I'm going to be a doctor. What kind of med student would I be if I let someone die in the street in front of me ? But I'm not your accomplice. I don't even know what you did.”

“I'm an important member of the city's most powerful criminal gang. My job is to make sure my boss is safe. I protect her and dispose of the threats to her security.”

That was unexpected information, to say the least. And it made Clarke feel suddenly very ill-at-ease.

“What do you mean dispose ?” she asked, unable to keep her mouth shut.

“I mean kill. Now give me your phone. Please. I won't ask again.”

 

\---

 

Lexa hadn't been able to sleep. She kept thinking about Anya, and how she hadn't heard from her in almost twenty-four hours.

This was bad. Anya was not only her right hand, she was also the person she cared about the most. It was her that taught Lexa everything in the first place, and she greatly helped her becoming the city's most feared criminal leader.

Someone had told the police Anya's address. It hadn't taken long for Lexa to figure out who the traitor was. It was some guy, too ambitious for his own good, and he obviously coveted Anya's place. Overwhelmed with anger, Lexa had slit his throat and ordered her men to dispose of the body.

Her phone started to ring. Lexa frowned. This was an unknown number. She picked up her phone, her body tense, ready to face immediate threats or danger.

“Lexa ?”

Relief flooded through her. It was like somebody had taken off a huge weight of her shoulders.

“Anya, are you alright ?”

“Yeah. I got shot. Some girl helped me. I'm at her place, and she seems to think it would be dangerous for my health to move. She won't let me go, apparently. And since she helped me, I would feel bad hurting her. I owe her.”

“She might be right, you shouldn't be walking around, especially with the cops looking for you. Give me her address. I'm coming to get you.”

 

\---

 

Clarke was pacing around her flat, restless. She was very nervous right now. She never meant for this to happen.

But when Anya mentioned the fact that she was a killer, she gave away her phone without arguing. And now her boss was coming over. _Great !_

Anya was sitting on the couch, still as a statue. She had taken quite a long bath, and Clarke had changed her bandage after that, checking if the wound hadn't got infected. Fortunately, it hadn't.

Clarke couldn't help but notice the scars that covered Anya's body. The girl hadn't lied, she really had been through worse. She was also very thin and muscular, without an inch of fat, sign of a rough life.

Someone knocked twice at the door. Clarke froze, heart bumping. Anya tried to stand up, but she was still very weak and she fell back.

“It's her.” she said, with absolute certainty. “You should open the door.”

Clarke clenched her jaw and slowly walked towards the door. Despite her obvious fear, she couldn't help but feel curiosity.

What could a criminal leader possibly look like ? She pictured a mature woman in her forties, maybe fifties – because such a position must be very hard and long to earn.

However, Clarke was far from the truth. She unlocked the door and just stood there, gaping. In front of her was a girl of her age, about twenty years old.

And she was very, very sexy.

Not that Clarke cared, anyway.

The girl was about her size, wearing tight, black leather pants and a black top. Her hair was brown, pulled back in a way that it wouldn't bother her if she suddenly had to run. She had done a stunning job with her eyeliner, and a vivid flame was dancing in her eyes. In a word, she was imperial.

“May I come in ?” asked the girl, walking past Clarke without waiting for an answer.

The blonde girl shook her head to recover her thinking capacities and closed the door behind her new guest.

Her name was Lexa, Clarke had overheard it when Anya was on the phone. She behaved with as much assurance as a queen, walking around like she owned the place. She was very beautiful, with full lips that looked very soft and... _wait, what ?_ _Since when_ _am I_ _staring at people this way ?_ _I need_ _to focus on the most important matter in this situation_.

That being, she had now two highly dangerous criminals in her apartment.

Lexa smiled at Anya with relief.

“I am so glad you are okay.”

Then she turned around and stared at Clarke, her eyes piercing the blonde girl. Clarke felt like she was naked.

“What's your name ?”

“I'm Clarke.” she replied.

“Alright then, Clarke. Have you told anyone about this ? Does anyone know Anya and I ever met you ? Don't think about lying. I can see right through you.” warned the brown-haired girl.

“No, I didn't. I swear it.” said Clarke honestly.

Then Lexa put her hand behind her back and reached for something. A dagger. With an extremely sharp blade. Clarke's blood turned to ice.

“Good.” said Lexa. “Because nobody can ever know. I'm sorry.”


	3. Tricky Negotiations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys ! Thanks for your kudos and subscriptions and comments, it makes my day every time ! I am really happy you enjoy reading this :)

Lexa moved forwards, the dagger in her hand, and she seemed determined to use it. Anya, still on the couch, did nothing to interfere.

Clarke was thinking as fast as she could. Her life was at stake, but she had to think of something.

“You can't do that ! Just... Think about it, all I did was save Anya's life, I took care of her all night and I didn't call anybody. Killing me would only draw attention, and they might find out you're involved.”

She was good at talking. Maybe she could negotiate. But Lexa only took another step towards her.

“We'll be careful not to leave any evidence of our visit here. Don't worry about us. It's not personal, you know. Killing is kind of my job.”

“Wait, Lexa ! I wouldn't do that if I were you. I... I can be an asset for you.”

“Maybe you should listen to what she is suggesting.” intervened Anya. Her look betrayed a hint of guilt. She didn't mean to give Clarke this kind of payback in exchange for her help.

Her eyes locked on Clarke, Lexa nodded.

“Go on, Clarke. Explain yourself.”

Clarke swallowed her saliva. Whatever she would say next would settle her fate.

“Well... Your people can't always go to the hospital. I mean, for a few broken bones, they can, but when it's bullets of knives wounds, it draws attention. And then what do the doctors do ? They save your people's lives, but they report to the police. The next thing you know, the cops have them arrested.”

A muscle twitched on Lexa's jaw. Clarke knew that she had hit a sensitive subject. And more importantly, she had made a point.

“What's your point ?” asked Lexa, a hand caressing the blade of her dagger.

“I saved Anya. And she wasn't arrested. I could do this again, if need be. I can be your medical back-up. Your private doctor. Somebody discreet and reliable.”

Lexa sat down next to Anya, thoughtful.

“That's actually a pretty good offer, Clarke. You could be a valuable ally. But I don't know if I can trust you.” she stated.

Her eyes narrowed as she looked more intensely at the blonde girl. Clarke, uncomfortable under that unsettling stare, could feel heat reaching her face.

_Damn. That girl is hot._

She blinked. How the hell could she think about Lexa this way, when she was currently deciding whether or not to kill her ?

“You will never know if you don't try. Now, you need to decide if killing me is worth it, when it means that I can't help any of your people anymore. That's your choice, Lexa. But in your line of business, I guess these kind of injuries happen quite often. And I can make a difference. I know I can't gain your trust right away, but consider it. Are you willing to take that risk, for the sake of your people ?”

Clarke had been as convincing as she could. It was now up to Lexa to let her live... Or not. That thought left her breathless.

After what felt like an eternity, Lexa finally spoke.

“I'll let you live, Clarke. Listen now, this is how we are going to proceed. First of all, I am going to take Anya with me. You will give me your phone number. You won't have any way to contact any of us. We will call you whenever we need it. And when I call you, I want you to drop whatever you are doing. Your only priority will be to fix my people. Is that alright ?”

“Seems fair enough.” replied Clarke, letting out a relieved sigh. She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down her phone number.

“Here, take it.” she told to Lexa. “I'm glad we have an agreement.”

As she handed her number to the other girl, their fingers accidentally brushed. Their eyes locked. Clarke, mesmerized, had to remind herself that, no matter how attractive Lexa might be, she was a ruthless criminal.

Imperturbable, Lexa stuffed the piece of paper in her back pocket. Clarke's eyes wandered for a moment on the body of the girl.

“Goodbye then, Clarke. We will be in touch.”

Lexa put an arm around Anya's waist and lifted her up. Then, the two girls left the apartment.

Clarke stayed in the middle of the room a long moment. The floor was stained with Anya's blood, as a reminder of the trouble Clarke had just gotten herself into.

_What the hell have I done ?_

 

\---

 

Clarke dialed the police station number.

“You've reached the city's main police station. What is your emergency ?”

“I believe you have an officer named Blake. Can I talk to him, please ? Tell him it's about a case he worked yesterday.”

“Please wait a moment. I am transferring your call to him.”

Clarke bit her lip. This was the right decision. Like Lexa said, this was not personal. It was neither betrayal nor backstabbing, just civilian duty.

_But if Lexa or Anya find_ _s_ _out, I'm as good as dead._

 

\---

 

“There's a call for you, Blake. A girl, she says it's about a case you worked yesterday.”

Bellamy's expression hardened. This must be about the Anya girl. But why would anybody be calling _him_ ? He wasn't even the cop in charge of that case. Was it a hoax ? He picked up the phone.

“Officer Bellamy Blake, what can I do for you ?”

“Hi, my name is Clarke Griffin. I have some valuable information about something you might be interested in.”

Bellamy guessed the person calling was a girl, about Octavia's age, probably. She had a preoccupied tone.

“I will be blunt there, princess. I don't know why you are calling me. I'm not in charge of anything, and I have no idea why you know my name.” he said.

“Fine. I like straight-forward people anyway. Well, I'll tell you. Remember last night, when you shot a criminal girl on the run in a street ?”

Bellamy stayed silent for a moment.

“How do you know that ?”

“I was there. Your partner called you by your name. So, I figured you were the right person to talk to.”

“I am all ears now, miss Griffin.”

“What, you don't call me 'princess' anymore ?” replied the girl, her voice dripping with irony.

“Are you going to talk to me or not ?” he retorted, a bit weary.

“Not on the phone, if that's okay with you. I'd like to meet you.”

That Clarke Griffin must detain some serious information then. Bellamy was starting to be very curious about what that might be.

“Why don't you come to the police station ? We can have a chat there.” he suggested.

“I can't. I am pretty sure I will be followed the next few days. And if... _somebody_ sees I am going to the police... it would be very bad for me.”

He was even more intrigued now.

“What about I meet you in some coffee shop or a bar, Clarke ? Over drinks, maybe ?”

He had called her by her first name on purpose. He needed her to trust him, so that was a good first step. It was a trick he had learned during his training. There was a moment of silence before Clarke replied.

“I need you to answer a question. And it's very important.”

“Go on, Clarke.”

“The girl you shot. Did she see your face ?”

Bellamy and his captain had been chasing her all day through the city. So yes, obviously, she had quite a good look at him.

“Yes. Why is that relevant ?”

“She might be the one following me. And if she's not, I'm sure she will have described you to the person watching over me. As I said, no one can know I'm talking to the police.”

Bellamy thought it over for a moment, not knowing what else to do. Then, he had an idea.

“We can meet at a friend's house. I will be in there before you come, and I will leave long after. Nobody will know I was here.”

“That could work. But I don't really want to talk about this to any of my friends.”

“That's okay. I have a sister about your age, I think. Her name is Octavia. She lives on the university campus, and I would trust her with my life. So, Clarke, how about we meet at her place for lunch ? I was already going to eat with her, but since you're a special guest, I will ask her to cook something good. Well, I mean most likely we will end up ordering pizza.”

Clarke laughed a bit, but he could tell she was mostly nervous.

“Yeah, alright. See you there.”

 

\---

 

Clarke had no trouble finding Octavia's apartment. She had many friends on that campus as well, and she perfectly knew her way around. As she entered the right building, she heard music blasting and people laughing and shouting. It was a normal Saturday in college, and many students would be partying until the break of the next dawn.

She knocked on the door and a cheery girl opened it, very beautiful, with bright blue eyes.

“Hey, Clarke ! I'm Octavia. And, uh, my roommate is at her boyfriend's place, so it's just the three of us here. Come in !”

It was a simple student room, with one bed on each side, a desk and a common kitchen. As promised, Bellamy Blake was already there. He wasn't in his uniform, and wore a plain white shirt. He was a very handsome young man, brown-haired, his skin tanned by the sun.

Bellamy shook Clarke's hand, holding it in a firm grip.

“Nice to meet you in person”, he said.

“As much as I would love hearing you two discussing business, I really am hungry, guys. You can talk later, pizza comes first !” pouted Octavia. She was holding a pizza box, a grin on her face.

“No problem”, replied Clarke. She was a bit hungry too, as she hasn't eaten since her sandwich with Anya earlier in the morning.

They sat casually on Octavia's bed, plates on their laps, and didn't say another word until the pizza box was empty. Octavia collected their plates and put them carelessly into her sink, on an already alarmingly high pile of dirty plates.

“You really never wash your dishes ?” asked her brother, a bit desperate.

“Nope. I always wait for someone to do it for me. Any volunteers ?” she replied playfully.

“Piss off”, he grunted.

“As you will ! I am going to study a bit now, so you two can talk in peace. Have fun.” she said. Octavia sat at her desk, put on headphones, so Clarke and her brother could have some privacy, and started to work.

“Okay, Clarke. What did you have to tell me ?”

Clarke took a deep breath and told Bellamy the whole story. For some obscure reason, she trusted him entirely. She felt safe with him.

“That's... rather unusual”, he finally said.

“Yeah, it is. It's also freaking wrong. I can't be working for criminals. This is not who I am.”

“I am going to help you as best as I can to get you out of this mess. Alright, Clarke ?”

She looked into his eyes. He had this honest look about himself, full of concern, even though he barely knew her.

“What do you suggest we do ?” she asked.

“We don't have a choice but wait until they contact you again. And when they do, you call me right away, and we will figure things out. I know it's not much of a plan, but it's all I can think of for now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I promise, next chapter is a lot more fun : I'll be, uh, turning up the heat. Things between Clarke and Lexa are about to get intense.


	4. Party Animals

Clarke didn't hear about Anya or Lexa the following couple of weeks, and as a consequence, she didn't contact Bellamy either. She was essentially busy with her medical classes, given that she had important exams two months ahead.

However, she hung out with Octavia everyday. She had taken an instantly liking into this girl, and they were getting along really great. Both of them were quite fast to make friends, it appeared, and after a few days, it seemed that they have been knowing each other for years.

“What are you doing on Saturday night ?” asked Octavia one day as they were walking over the campus.

“I'm planning on studying.”

“So, you're free that night.” concluded Octavia, grinning.

“That's not what I just said...” began Clarke with an amused look.

“Come on, Clarke, it's college, you need to chill out ! And I”, she added pointedly, “am taking you out.”

“I am not really the party-crazed type of girl, Octavia.”

“Yeah, yeah, we'll see about that. And don't be so uptight, damn, you're killing the mood.”

 

\---

 

Clarke was so absorbed in her work that she practically jumped out of her chair when someone loudly knocked at her door.

“Hey, Clarke, open the freaking door, it's 9 pm already !” she heard Octavia yell.

_Shit, it's Saturday. I completely forgot._

She hurried to let her in.

“Wow, Octavia, you look amazing !” she said, noticing the tight red dress, the heels and the carefully applied make-up.

“Oh, I know”, laughed her friend. “You, on the other hand, look like crap. You didn't forget we were going out, did you ?”

Clarke considered her jeans and her plain sweatshirt, and decided it was unnecessary to lie.

“Actually, I did. Just give me a minute, I need to put on a more elegant top.”

Octavia shook her head and gave her a scolding look.

“There is no way I'm going to let you wear jeans tonight.”

She went to Clarke's bedroom and began searching through her drawers.

“Uh... What the hell are you doing, Octavia ?”

“Finding you a dress. Shortest and tightest possible. And I will also take care of your hair and makeup. I'm going to make you look smoking hot.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, exasperated. She gently pushed Octavia aside and reached for a blue dress.

“That one you might like, Octavia. But I'm not letting you touch my hair.”

“Okay, then, get changed ! We're leaving in five. And I'm totally doing your makeup anyway.”

 

\---

 

They took a bus to the city center, ignoring the impressed look of men around them, and a few admiring whistles. Well, Clarke ignored them, and Octavia basically flirted back, throwing winks.

“You're impossible.” laughed Clarke.

“And you _sooo_ need to relax. Come on, let's get wasted.”

They entered the first bar they saw, a noisy place crowded with college students just like them, laughing and drinking.

“See ?” yelled Octavia. “That's what college is all about ! I'm going to get us drinks.”

Clarke leaned against a wall, as her friend disappeared into the crowd. It wasn't long before Octavia came back, a drink in each hand, accompanied by a handsome, muscular guy with a shaved head and dark skin.

“Clarke, meet Lincoln. He had the kindness of paying for our drinks.” said Octavia, grinning.

“Hey, Lincoln, nice to meet you”, replied Clarke.

Octavia leaned over and whispered into her ear.

“Rule number one : never pay for your drinks. Let cute boys be gentlemen. As a matter of fact, I kinda like this one, I'd like to get to know him.”

Lincoln kept staring at Octavia, thinking she wouldn't notice. There was undeniable chemistry between those two, thought Clarke. The night would be interesting.

They finished their drinks within a few minutes, and ordered a round of tequila shots. If it was up to Clarke, she would have gone for another beer, but Octavia strongly disagreed.

“I want you to loosen the pressure for once, Clarke. Basically, by the end of the night, I want you to be absolutely drunk.” she said.

_Why not, after all ?_ Clarke decided to let it go and have fun with her friend. She drank the shot quickly, her throat on fire, a pleasant heat warming her body. Meanwhile, Octavia was flirting shamelessly with Lincoln.

“Hey, get a room, you two”, teased Clarke, feeling a bit tipsy.

“I have an idea”, said Lincoln. “I was going to meet friends of mine at the nightclub down the street around midnight. You should totally come with me.”

“A club, is it ? I think I'd love that. I feel like dancing.” replied Octavia at once. She turned to Clarke, a pleading look in her eyes. “Say yes, please, Clarke !”

Clarke agreed gladly. She wanted to dance too, and get a few more drinks as well. They lingered about half an hour more in the bar, and then they hit the street.

The air was cold, and Clarke realized at that moment that she was indeed a bit drunk. Perhaps not as much as Octavia, who was clutching Lincoln's arm and giggling all the time, but still. It wasn't long until they approached the nightclub. The pavement was vibrating with the muffled sound of the beat of the music.

“Come on. The night is only getting started.”said Lincoln, leading the two girls inside.

 

\---

 

It was awfully hot in the club. It was crowded too, full of sweating young people dancing and drinking. The DJ was good, and the music was filling the air, blasting at an incredibly loud volume. The mere atmosphere of the place was getting Clarke dizzy. She was losing control of herself in a delicious way.

Lincoln knew the bartender, apparently, and the three of them got free drinks. Octavia took another tequila shot with him, while Clarke tried a vodka one.

“Where are your friends ?” shouted Clarke over the music.

“Somewhere in there. Let's find them !” answered Lincoln.

They headed towards the dancefloor, where the crowd was most dense. The beat was catching, and Octavia dragged Lincoln by the hand, pulling him closer. Clarke decided to offer them a few moments alone, and she went back to the bar, ordering another vodka.

She took her time to drink it, staring at the crowd, absent-minded. A smile came across her face when she spotted her friend, hands around Lincoln's neck, kissing him.

“Looks like our friends are getting along.” said someone next to her.

Clarke turned around and practically jumped in surprise. And fear.

“Anya ? What are you doing here ?”

The young woman was wearing black skinny jeans and boots, and a fitting tank top. Her shoulder seemed properly healed, and her face was a lot least pale than when Clarke first met her. As a matter of fact, she was looking flushed, probably because of the alcohol, and the hot temperature of the club.

“Relax, I'm off duty. Lexa and I are here to have fun – with our friend Lincoln, but I notice you already met him.”

Clarke's mind was working slowly, somewhat blurred because of all the drinks she had. Was Lincoln a criminal as well ? That was a huge problem, considering he just hooked up with a cop's sister.

“Oh, shit, Lexa's here too ?” she finally said. Anya answered her with a smirk.

She had to call Bellamy. If only she hadn't left her phone home... She needed to get hold of a phone. But, first thing first. The priority was to warn Octavia to stay away from Lincoln. Or at least to prevent her from getting closer to him.

Clarke headed towards her friend. She was about to reach her when...

_Damn. Lexa. Wow._

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just raw desire, but Clarke completely forgot about Octavia. Lexa was dancing, right there, moving like a queen, swaying her hips in a way that hypnotized Clarke entirely. The flickering club lights probably had something to do with it too.

She was wearing a short, sleeveless black dress that fitted her thin body. Her naked legs seemed impossibly long, with the hem of the dress covering the upper half of her thighs, and with her high, elegant black heels.

Nobody could have guessed that this incredibly hot girl was the police number one priority.

Clarke was very drunk. She needed to stop staring. She needed to tear her gaze away from Lexa, now. So she decided to close her eyes for a few moments, breathing deeply.

“Fancy seeing you here”, she heard someone whisper to her ear, while the person's body pressed behind Clarke's.

It was Lexa, of course. Clarke cursed herself as a wave of heat shot through her body. She tried very hard not to focus on the feeling of Lexa's breasts against her back. As to make things harder, Lexa put her hands on Clarke's hip, dancing with her in rhythm.

To avoid that disturbing contact, Clarke turned around, facing Lexa.

_Oh, great. It's much worse now._

Lexa was stunningly beautiful. Her eyes were mesmerizing, highlighted by her eyeliner, and her lips were perfectly...

“You are staring at me ?” she said, more as a statement than a question. Her voice, it seemed to Clarke, contained raw lust.

“You look good.” replied Clarke with a shrug.

“You're not bad either”, noticed Lexa as her eyes boldly ran up and down Clarke's body.

She put her arm around Clarke's waist, pulling her closer, so that they were as close as possible without touching each other. Lexa seemed to enjoy herself very much. The music was very catchy, Clarke had to admit. The combination of alcohol, proximity and the psychedelic flashing made her dizzier every moment. Blue. Red. Green. Purple. Each color enhanced Lexa's features, and Clarke was drunk on looking at her.

They danced this way for what seemed to be an eternity. As time went by, Clarke was completely intoxicated by Lexa's scent, her perfume making her head spin. Their bodies kept brushing against each other, and Lexa licked her lips a few times when it happened.

And that drove Clarke crazy. She  _had_ to find out how th o se lips would feel against hers. Lexa's hands were now running down her spine, settling on Clarke's lower back, and damn that felt good...

“I need to go to the bathroom.” said Clarke, pulling away. 

_Calm down. Put some cold water on your face, Griffin, maybe it will help you think straight._

She ran off and slammed the bathroom door behind her. Surprisingly, it was empty. She rested her hands on a sink, clutching the porcelain, as she stared at her own reflection in the mirror. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

Suddenly, the door shut open and someone stormed in. Clarke turned around, spotting Lexa, who was quickly walking towards her.

Before her brain could register what was happening, Clarke found herself pressed hard against the sink by the other girl. Lexa slipped a hand behind her neck and leaned over, pulling their mouths together.

Clarke responded eagerly to the kiss, her lips parted, running her tongue across Lexa's soft, warm lips. One of them let out a moan, though Clarke couldn't say who did. She locked her arms around Lexa's neck, one hand running down the girl's back. Lexa's right hand was gripping the blonde's hair, pulling her even closer, while her other hand grabbed Clarke's thigh, fingers tracing burning lines on her skin.

Clarke's body felt like it was on fire. Their kiss was hot, passionate, and she was giving herself in, open-mouthed, hungry for more.

Two girls entered then the bathroom, and Lexa pulled away immediately. She shot Clarke a burning glance and exited the bathroom.

The blonde girl leaned against the wall, her legs a little weak. All she could think of was the warmth of Lexa's body, and how their lips collided, and, damn, her hands, her _tongue_...

_Oh, man, I'm in trouble. This is bad. Like, really bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your feedback and kudos, it cheers me up so much ! :)


	5. Jeopardy

It was extremely silent in the back of the cab. After what happened in the bathroom with Lexa, Clarke practically dragged Octavia out of the club, without any explanations. Her friend, who was quite busy with Lincoln at that moment, resented her a lot.

Clarke hailed a cab and shoved Octavia in it. She didn't calm down until they arrived near the university campus, heart pounding.

“Listen, Octavia, I'm sorry.” she finally said to her friend, who had the gloomiest look ever. “I just... have a very bad feeling about these people. Lincoln, his friends... He is handsome, I'll give you that, but they're trouble, believe me.”

“Oh, that's rich, coming from you, Clarke.” snapped Octavia, anger swelling in her voice.

“What is that supposed to mean ?”

“I've seen you dancing with his friend. You know, that girl with the black dress ? Now, _that_ was hot. Top level flirting. Don't even try to fucking deny it. And I'm not allowed to have a good time myself ?”

Clarke couldn't think of an appropriate answer. The cab parked in front of Octavia's building. As the girl furiously gathered her coat and purse, Clarke spotted a phone number written on her arm.

“Is that Lincoln's number ?”

“Yeah, it is. And guess what ? I'll call him first thing tomorrow.”

“Octavia, please, you need to stay away from these people.”

“Good old 'do what I say, not what I do', uh ? You know what, Clarke ? Just mind your own business. Cut me some slack, you're not my mother. Goodnight.”

Octavia got out of the car and swung the door shut.

 

\---

 

Anya was hung over, but all her senses where sharpened. She was alert, tense, ready to fight. Lincoln, by her side, seemed as steady as she was, only more distracted.

“Hey, are you with me on this ?” she asked harshly. She had no time to show any concern.

“Yes, I am”, he replied at once, focusing on the task at hand. They were alone in an abandoned factory, a bleak place, desert. Anya was watching the door, while he finished counting the money.

“Ten thousand dollars. We're good to go.”he said, closing the bag.

“I hope so. If you miscounted, this is war. And those so-called 'Mountain Men', I don't want to mess with them.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about last night.”

The hint of a smile came across Anya's lips.

“You re really hitting on this girl, aren't you ?”

“She called me this morning. We had a rather long chat, and she's actually very nice. We're going on a date tomorrow.”

At that moment, the door of the factory opened, and three men came in. The echo of their steps filled the empty place, as they walked towards Lincoln and Anya.

“I thought we agreed only four people would attend to this deal.” said Anya to them, one hand resting on the dagger at her side. She highly disliked firearms, these were too noisy. However, a gun was tucked in her waistband, hidden beneath her shirt, pressed on her lower back.

“Oh, did we ? My bad. I must have completely forgotten that detail.” replied the man in the middle, who clearly was the leader.

Anya disliked him instantly. He was quite tall, in his thirties, with an annoying smirk. He was probably a cunning expert, and definitely not one to be trusted. She felt uncomfortable. Being outnumbered wasn't part of the plan.

“I'm Cage.” he added, holding his hand for them to shake it.

Neither Lincoln nor Anya took it.

“Did you bring the product ?” asked Lincoln. Anya stepped back. She was only here to make sure the meeting occurred safely. The business itself was Lincoln's job, for he was the drug dealer.

“Of course.”

One of Cage's bodyguards carefully opened a duffel bag. It was full of syringes, filled with a right red liquid.

“We named it the Red.” explained Cage, like a businessman presenting his product. “It's a brand new drug, that I spent the last few years elaborating. The effects are delightful. It provides, among other things, immediate relaxation, it's the ideal cure for huge stress. And of course, it is highly addictive. The sales are bound to be outstanding. This, my friends, is a blockbuster. Every junkie in town will be craving to buy it.”

It only took a few more moments to settle the deal. Lincoln finally nodded and handed the bag of money to Cage. He took the duffel back full of syringes and looked through it.

“Where is the rest ?” he asked Cage.

“I beg your pardon ?” replied the other man, irritatingly polite.

“Ten grand in exchange for a thousand doses. That was our deal. I can only see about five hundred syringes in that bag. So I'll ask again. Where is the other half ?”

Anya sensed that it was a trap. She drew her dagger, ready to attack. Immediately after that, Cage's two bodyguards raised guns and aimed at her head.

“Easy, easy.” said Cage in a soothing voice. “Nobody gets hurt. We are going to take the money, leave you the Red and walk out. Contact us when you need more.”

“You're a thief.” retorted Lincoln, bitter.

“I'm not. Let's say that the price had risen.”

With a cold smile, Cage took the money and walked out. His men stayed until he was out of sight, then left as well, their guns still pointed at Anya and Lincoln.

“We're fucked !” spat Lincoln furiously. “We lost five thousand dollars here.”

“Then we are at war with Cage and his gang.” replied Anya calmly.

Lincoln froze, his anger fading away.

“Maybe that's a bit excessive. I mean, five grand is a big deal, but we are wealthy enough. It's nothing for us.”

“You're right, Lincoln. Lexa won't give a damn about five thousand dollars. But that man just insulted us, and she can't have that. He thinks he has the upper hand on the situation. But we are the main gang in the city, and it needs to stay this way. This, Lincoln, is about respect. Cage just spat in our face. We will destroy him.”

Anya tried not to show her worry. This war was compulsory if they wanted to remain the most powerful criminals in the city, but their enemy was dangerous. She needed to talk to Lexa about strategy. She took her phone and dialed the number.

“Pick up, Lexa. This is a delicate matter.” she muttered to herself, as she listened to the ringtone.

 

\---

 

Earlier this afternoon, Lexa had been bored. She had sent Anya and Lincoln settle a deal with some drug seller she had never heard of before. She did a bit of research and found out that this man was insanely rich. If the meeting went well, this was the promise of a flourishing partnership.

In the meantime, Lexa was left alone with nothing to occupy her mind. Naturally, her thoughts wandered towards Clarke and the moments they shared last night. Things had started to be really interesting, until they were interrupted. Lexa hadn't seen the blonde girl after that, she had left immediately.

There was something about that girl that impressed her. She was not one to crack under pressure, and knew how to talk her way out of deadly situations. Clarke was brave, and she had more strength and willpower than she thought. She might not know it yet, but she was perfectly shaped for leadership. Being a doctor ? What a waste. That girl could be on top of the city.

And of course, she was ridiculously attractive. She obviously had an intense connection with Lexa. Despite her disdain for criminal activities, she wasn't even really trying to fight it. Well, that was where her strength ended.

Because when it came down to it, Clarke couldn't stop staring at Lexa with unconcealed lust. She wanted her. And Lexa was totally okay with it.

Lexa was insanely drawn to that bold girl, with her blue eyes and her blonde curls, her fierce attitude and her body – damn, her body.

She checked her phone. Anya and Lincoln's meeting was in about an hour. As for her, she didn't have any plans this afternoon.

She decided to pay Clarke a visit.

 

\---

 

Clarke was in an extremely bad mood. She was hung over, with a painful headache, she had an argument with her friend, and, on top of that, she had had an insanely hot make-out session with a criminal who was blackmailing her. And she definitely shouldn't be okay with that. Which she was.

Somehow, she hadn't called Bellamy yet. She didn't know how to bring up the fact that his sister and her both hooked up with criminal gang members.

If Clarke was being honest with herself, it had been amazing. Her legs had turned to jelly and her brain was a foggy mess. Lexa had invaded her personal space, conquered it in fact, and it was so good, even if it was wrong, that it had disturbed her ever since.

She swore to herself that it would never happen again. Ever.

Somebody knocked at her door.

“Who is that ?” Clarke yelled, definitely not in the mood for a visit.

“Lexa. Open the door.” she heard.

_Great. The very last person I need to see right now._

“What's the emergency ?”she snapped, reaching for her first aid kit. “Did you get shot or is there someone bleeding out with you ?”

“Actually, I was just passing by. I'm really bored.” Clarke heard. She clenched her jaw.

“Then I'm not fucking letting you in.” she said coldly, leaning against the door.

She went to her bedroom to put her first aid kit back in her closet. She sat on her bed for a minute. Sending Lexa away had been extremely satisfying. It was a right payback for her access of weakness last night.

When Clarke got back to her living room, she jumped on her feet. Lexa was sitting casually on the couch like it was her own, looking at her with her headed cocked on a side.

“How the hell did you get in ?” asked Clarke, abashed.

“I have my ways.” replied Lexa, standing up. She started to look around the place, exploring her surroundings, curious.

“Of course, I should know you can get past a latch... I assume that's part of your job.” sighed Clarke, upset. “Anyway, why are you here ?”

Lexa leaned over the kitchen table and looked intensely at Clarke.

“You left in a hurry last night. I never had the chance to say goodbye.” she said in a low voice.

“That was quite the point. What happened... Shouldn't have. There's nothing to add to that.” replied Clarke with as much conviction as she could.

Lexa raised an eyebrow and stepped closer. Clarke clenched her fists and did not move. The brown-haired girl invaded her personal space once again, until they were standing so close that they were breathing the same air.

Lexa tucked a strand of Clarke's hair behind her ear. Her hot breath was ghosting against Clarke's lips, sending a shiver down her spine.

“Is that so ? You seemed pretty eager to me.” she whispered, her voice more sensual than ever, fingers tentatively brushing Clarke's jawline.

Clarke shook her head, anger swelling inside her. She would not be weak this time. She put an accusative finger on Lexa's chest and started walking, forcing the other girl to step back.

“I was drunk, and it was a mistake. Let me clear this for you, Lexa.” she started, her voice harsh.

“You wanted to kill me.”, she went on.

Lexa took another step back.

“You blackmailed me to work for you so I could stay alive. Lured me into your filthy business.”

The kitchen table bumped into her lower back, forcing her to stop. She could not go further backwards. For once, she was the one trapped.

“But I am not at your disposal.” Clarke had lowered her voice, but her tone had hardened.

Lexa clenched the edge of the table with her hand. She was staring at Clarke, inscrutable. There was something in her greyish green eyes, though, and Clarke hoped it was fear. But then she realized it was anger.

“I am not yours for the taking, Lexa. You and me. Not gonna happen. Ever.” she finished, while the other girl's knuckles turned white.

Their faces were barely an inch apart. Clarke was furious, but Lexa was even angrier.

“You are such a hypocrite.” answered Lexa in an even lower voice.

An intense silence fell between them. A quiet battle for power was going on, and both of them were holding the other's gaze. They knew whoever stopped staring first would be considered as weak.

Clarke was drowning into Lexa's eyes. She was overwhelmed with a mixture of anger and desire. And that second feeling was taking over.

This time, it was Clarke that initiated the kiss. She pulled Lexa in, her instincts driving her. She was sober, and well aware of the girl's activities, but it didn't feel less passionate, less amazing. Lexa's jacket fell to the floor. She lost herself in Lexa's intoxicating perfume, a hand exploring her body, fingers running through her braids.

It had been a long time since she had been with anyone. She had been with the same boyfriend over almost three years, and after that she only had a few dates, and one or two one-night stands. She pushed Lexa over to her couch, roughly, and took her own shirt off.

Lexa fell on her back and watched her, lifted on her elbows, biting her lower lip. Clarke joined her and slipped her hands under Lexa's shirt, pulling it over her head. She leaned over the other girl, letting her eyes run up and down her body. Flat stomach, abs almost showing underneath the tanned skin, black underwear : she was madly attracted to her.

_God, what am I doing. This is so wrong._

That remaining flash of conscience didn't stop her though. She kissed her again, a little less angrily, a tad more sensually. Lexa's hands were touching her, burning her, tracing complicated patterns on her bare skin. Her nails gently scratched Clarke's sensitive back, following the line of her spine, lower, and lower...

Lexa's phone rang, buzzing in her jeans pocket.

“Excuse me for a sec.” she whispered, visibly annoyed.

Clarke pulled back, a bit breathless. She saw Anya's name displayed on the screen, and Lexa sighed.

“I've got to take this.” she informed, sitting up on the couch.

Her eyes wandered over Clarke, taking in the messy blonde hair, bare stomach and blue underwear.

“I'm going to kill the next one who interrupts us.” added Lexa matter-of-factly, her tone flat and emotionless.

Clarke recovered her mental abilities as her boss/affair/pain-in-the-ass picked up the call. She tried to eavesdrop, collecting as much information as she could in order to give them to the police.

Because yeah, obviously, she had done a terrible mistake, twice, but she was still a good person. Clarke Griffin had nothing to do with criminals. She would be calling Bellamy as soon as Lexa left her.

Anya's voice was inaudible, a muffled background sound at best. Lexa was silent, listening with a hard expression on her face.

“Then it is war.” she finally said, her voice as cold as ice. “I'll be right there to take all necessary dispositions.”

Well, that was interesting. A criminal gang war within the city ? That was a very important information. Clarke really needed to call Bellamy. The young cop would know what to do. And she should also slip him a few words about his sister's dangerous new boyfriend. But of course she would not mention her unfortunate, purely, randomly accidental closeness with the gang leader.

Lexa hung up and put her shirt back on.

“Unfortunately, I have to leave. Business is business.” she said casually, not looking at Clarke.

_Perfect. I will be able to call Bellamy in a few minutes now._

Lexa ran her fingers through her hair to make it look formal again. Her braids fell back into place, leaving no hint of their former messiness.

“What's up ?” asked innocently Clarke.

“Some guy is being disrespectful. He's trying to get hold of my city ? I'm gonna get rid of that man.” mumbled Lexa, mainly to herself.

“So... War, is it ? Isn't that a bit extreme ?”

Lexa shot a glance at Clarke, fumbling with her shirt to tuck it in her waistband.

“Why so curious all of a sudden ? I thought you didn't want to get involved in this, how did you say it, _filthy business_.”

Clarke shrugged. “Nevermind. You're damn right I don't want to get into this. I shouldn't even be talking to you.”

“Well, whatever is going on between you and me, it involves very little conversation. So basically, you're not really talking to me.”

Clarke blushed a bit at that, while the other girl smirked. Lexa headed towards the door.

“You're forgetting your jacket !” Clarke called her back, spotting the leather jacket on the kitchen floor.

“Oh, you can keep it for now. Once I'm done talking strategy with Anya and my men, I'll come back. Probably spend the night here.”

Clarke swallowed hard. A weird sensation filled her abdomen. Oblivious to her lack of reaction, Lexa opened the door, ready to get out. She looked a last time at Clarke, her eyes betraying a primitive hunger.

“After all, you and I have unfinished business, Clarke. I intent not to be interrupted that time. See you later.”

The door swung shut, and just like that, Lexa was gone, leaving behind her only her jacket and the reminiscent scent of her heady perfume.

Suddenly Clarke did not want to call Bellamy anymore. She was _really_ looking forwards to the night. Yeah, that cop could wait a few days.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking updates on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Thank you all for reading and liking this story, you guys are the best :)  
> Also, that finale wrecked me. It was very good, yet I felt like Lexa should have made an appearance. Can't wait for next season !


	6. A Matter of Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we learn more about Lexa's backstory. And her feelings.

_Twelve years before._

 

_The little girl was frightened, curled up on the pavement. Screams were tearing the night everywhere. She covered her ears to not hear them. The building across the street was on fire. People were trapped inside, dying. The little girl closed her eyes. She wanted to be anywhere but here._

_Firefighters were doing their best to put out the blaze. The flames were rising so high in the night sky that it seemed that the inferno was swallowing all the stars. Nobody was paying attention to the little shape across the street._

_Somebody put her hand on the girl's back and talked to her in a soothing voice._

“ _Are you okay ?”_

_No, she was not okay. Nothing would never be okay anymore. She had been so careless, she had made a terrible mistake. Now her mom was dead._

_The little girl raised her head, eyes watering, and looked for the first time at the person that would mean everything to her from now on. It was a brown-haired girl, very thin, with wild, clever eyes. Her clothes were old and there were a few holes in them, as if the girl was homeless._

“ _What's your name ?” asked the older girl._

“ _I'm Lexa.”_

“ _Hey, Lexa, I'm Anya. You lived there ?” she gestured at the building on fire._

_Lexa nodded, her chin trembling._

“ _It was an accident. I was playing with matches. I tried to wake my mom but... She was asleep because of her... powder thing... I ran away and I think she's dead...”_

_Anya understood at once. The child's mother had been on drugs, and she passed out while her child set the building on fire. She also noticed the pronounced accent of Lexa, as if she was from another country._

“ _Where were you born, Lexa? And how old are you ?”_

“ _I'm from France. I'm nine years old, but mom and me moved here two years ago. She said we needed to run away so daddy wouldn't hurt us anymore.”_

_Anya stayed silent for a moment. Her heart was so filled with empathy and affection she felt it would burst. She was almost certain Lexa was an illegal immigrant, with no valid papers. Anyway, if the police found her, they would send her back to her abusive father in France._

_Anya took the most important decision of her life. She would protect Lexa at any cost._

“ _It's okay now, Lexa. I will take care of you. I'm sixteen, so I can be like your sister. I live on my own, and I don't have much, but I swear you will never be hurt as long as you're with me.”_

_Lexa stared at the girl. She immediately trusted her. She looked a last time at the building where her mom had finished her life, and a tear rolled down her cheek. She was old enough to understand that she had no family anymore. She was alone._

_Well, not alone. Anya scooped her up and hugged her. Lexa buried her face in her shoulder, hiding her tears. She promised herself she would never cry again. She had to be strong. Anya smelled like soap and wood and strawberries. She smelled like home._

“ _Come on, Lexa. Let's go home.” whispered Anya, as if she had read the little girl's thoughts._

_Lexa nodded and took her hand, grasping it like it was a life boat. She didn't want to ever let go of Anya now._

 

\---

 

They gathered around the table, all four of them. Lexa entered the room and gestured for her lieutenants to sit down.

She took her time to look at them. They were the only people she had ever trusted. She tried not to think of adding Clarke to that list. It was pure madness to trust this girl she barely knew, yet there was something about her... Lexa blinked and focused on the present situation.

“Thank you for coming to this meeting on such short notice.” she said to her four lieutenants.

Anya, seven years older than her, had taken good care of her since her childhood. She had raised her, protected her, like the sister she never had. An unbreakable bond had formed between the two young women, stronger than friendship. They had grown up together, starved together, fought together, shed blood together, and they both knew they would be linked forever, even after death would tear them apart.

Next to her was Lincoln, broad of shoulders and gentle of heart. She had found him a couple years ago, when he was a drug addict without any purpose to enlighten his life. She noticed his loyalty and his strength, and decided he would be a great ally. With her support, he managed to get rid of his addiction and used his knowledge of drugs to expand Lexa's narcotic business. Since then, he had proved his value many times and became a close friend.

On the other side of the table stood Indra, a tall woman with dark skin and a temper forged in iron. She was strong and solid as a rock, faithful to Lexa, and obeyed every order without asking any questions. She was restless, with an everlasting fury anchored to her soul that hid a deep wound never healed.

Lexa had first met her eighteen months ago, while Indra, her four-year-old daughter and five other random citizens were held hostages by a rival gang in a groceries shop. Lexa and four of her men had managed to free the hostages, killing the abductors, but the little girl had died in the hands of the enemy. Indra, devastated with grief, and looking for a new purpose to her existence, had raised hell all over the city to find the girl who saved her life. She had vowed to serve Lexa until her death. The loss of her daughter was as fresh as the first day, and she would do anything to protect the girl who avenged her death.

And, finally, there was Gustus. Gustus was an ex-soldier, a man who had been unable to give up on danger and violence after his service. He naturally drifted into criminal business, looking for adrenaline. He fell in love with Lexa's way of commanding a gang, by gathering hotheads into a common purpose. His advice in matters of strategy was precious, and she relied on him a lot.

“So, as you know, today there was a meeting with mister Wallace's gang. They call themselves the Mountain Men. And it didn't go well.” Lexa said, sitting down at the end of the table.

“Cage Wallace played us. He robbed five thousand dollars from us, and since we were outnumbered, we couldn't do anything about it.” explained Anya.

“Did he leave you the drugs ?” asked Gustus, thoughtful.

Lincoln nodded.

“Yes. But it wasn't worth the price we paid.”

“What do we know about these people ?” asked Indra.

Lexa crossed her hands on the table and cleared her throat.

“Cage Wallace is extremely rich. Spoiled son of Dante Wallace, a pharmaceutic businessman who built himself a fortune. Dante is old, so Cage took over the family business. He hired a woman, very brilliant, the Doctor Tsing. She helped him creating the Red. That's the name of their drug. We have five hundred doses of it.”

“What about their forces ? Do we have to fear any violent attack ?” inquired Gustus.

“With such a wealth, obviously, they could attack us at any moment.” answered Lexa darkly. “The only thing we know is that a man named Emerson is in charge of the security of the Wallace business. It's Emerson we should fear. We need to find him and take him down, to send a message to his boss.”

Lexa was sure that if Cage Wallace found the head of Emerson in his mailbox, he would think twice before insulting her again. He would most likely fall to his knees, offering her genuine apologies, fear and respect. She just needed to find Emerson.

“I want everyone to try and find him for me. Take him alive and bring him to me. Lincoln, give the Red to your men. I want them to sell it. We'll see if the consumers like it. Indra, Gustus, I want your people to track Emerson down. Anya, you and your people will watch over us. If Wallace tries anything, I expect you to anticipate it.”

They all nodded. They never argued with Lexa's orders. Anya was the only one who spoke up when she thought some of her decisions were wrong, but she only did it in private.

“That will be all. Report to me as soon as you make any breakthrough.” Lexa finished, dismissing them with a sign of her head.

Indra, Gustus and Lincoln headed towards the door. Anya remained sitting in her chair, tapping her fingers against the wooden table, absent-minded.

Lexa waited until they were alone to speak up.

“How do you feel about this ?”

“I don't know. I think Cage is dangerous. He's gonna try to outsmart us.” replied the young woman.

“I will do my best not to let that happen.”

Lexa leaned back, resting her head on the back of her chair.

“Where were you when I called you ?” asked Anya suspiciously.

“At Clarke Griffin's apartment.”

Lexa focused on the table in front of her. She tried not to look at Anya.

“I do hope you're careful, Lexa.”

“Don't worry about me.”

“I don't want her to mess you up. And above all, I don't want you to relive what happened with Cos...”

“Don't talk about her.” snapped Lexa in a hard voice. “I know what I am doing.”

Anya nodded slowly, but Lexa could tell she didn't believe her. To soothe her, she gave her some explanations about what was on her mind.

“I am not going to get attached to her. I have learned my lesson. Feelings are what makes us weak, and I intent on staying strong. But I will keep her out of harm's way. I don't want her to get hurt, or worse.”

Anya flinched when Lexa exposed her theory about feelings making people weak.

“It's a good thing not to involve her into our business.” admitted Anya. “Smart move, Lexa. But maybe you deserve to feel again. Maybe this girl is what you need.”

Lexa frowned and shot her a deadly glare.

“I'm just saying, think about it. The life you have... It's not healthy. Clarke seems like an honest girl, and she obviously has a crush on you. You should give her a chance to reach your heart.”

_I already have, Anya. She has gotten under my ski_ _n_ _._

 

\---

 

Lexa leaned over her sink and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She carefully took off her make-up, washing her eyeliner away. Tonight, she wanted Clarke to see her as she was. No make-up, no masks, no disguise. She undid her braids, letting her hair fall on her shoulders, cupping her face.

Tonight she wouldn't be the commander of the Grounder Gang, the highly feared criminal, the ruthless leader. She would just be Lexa.

She opted for black underwear, which was basically all she had. She slipped on a pair of skinny jeans and black combat boots. She put on a white buttoned shirt and tucked it into her waistband.

Lexa took a deep breath and left her flat. The night already had fallen.

 

\---

 

This time, when she knocked, Clarke let her in without a fight. At the sight of Lexa in casual clothing, no make-up and hair freed, she raised an eyebrow, surprised.

“Wow, Lexa, you look like...”

“Myself.” finished Lexa softly.

Clarke smiled genuinely as she gestured for her to sit on the couch.

“I much prefer this look rather than the I-am-going-to-murder-you-coldly one.”

Lexa couldn't help but notice the nervousness of the blonde girl, as if she wasn't sure of how to behave.

“It's okay, Clarke. I'm not going to threaten you or do anything to hurt you. I'm not here for business.”

“About that... I am extremely uncomfortable being with you because of what you do.” confessed Clarke.

Lexa took her hand in hers and looked into her eyes.

“Listen. I am here because I appreciate you, and I wish we hadn't met the way we did. I don't want to talk about my business with you, since you hate it, which I respect. Can we just pretend to be two random girls enjoying each other's company ?”

Clarke considered it for a moment. It was plain that she was struggling very hard with her moral values. Lexa threw her an intense look, eyelids fluttering. She fought back a smirk when she noticed the blonde girl blushing slightly, disturbed, her eyes wandering on Lexa's body.

“All right then.” sighed Clarke. “Why do I feel I am going to regret this ?”

Lexa bit her lower lip. She had the same feeling, deep inside of her, like the faint sensation of a heavy burden dragging her down.

“Wait... So you do enjoy my company ?” grinned Clarke, leaning back on the couch.

“Did you seriously have any doubt about that ?” asked Lexa incredulously.

“Well, first time we met, you did want to kill me, so that wasn't a very good clue that you actually appreciate me.”

“I thought we agreed not to mention this part of our... relationship.” reminded Lexa in a scolding voice.

“Oh, right, sorry. But, yeah, now that I think of it, there may have been some signs of your fondness of me...”

“Fondness, really ?” Lexa raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, I mean, you did put your tongue into my mouth, and you can't exactly keep your hands to yourself, so, basically, I can use that word.”

It was Lexa's turn to blush, as Clarke was eying her teasingly.

“Don't pretend you weren't into it.” she defended herself.

Clarke laughed a bit.

“Good point, Lexa.”

She walked towards the kitchen, took two glasses and poured red wine for the both of them.

“Thanks.” Lexa took a sip. “It's a good wine.”

“I had a sense you would like red wine.” said Clarke.

They were talking casually on the couch, not touching each other, but somehow the tension between them had never been higher.

As the conversation went on, Lexa could feel Clarke relax. She didn't look like she was about to be attacked anymore. She was bold and funny, and her laugh was the most beautiful sound Lexa had heard in a long time. She didn't think she could ever get tired of listening to it.

Although they were getting along quite well, it was hard to forget about their mutual attraction. Their body language, their looks were heavy with meaning. Lexa wanted nothing more than to kiss her again.

Clarke's lips looked incredibly appealing, and her eyes, looking so dark under the feeble light of a single lamp, were burning her. Lexa herself could feel her temperature rising. She was filled with a delightful warmth, fueled by the heady wine and the presence of an insanely attractive blonde girl.

Clarke was having more and more trouble focusing on the conversation. Lexa looked absolutely gorgeous in her white blouse, with her perfect hair and green eyes blazing with vivid wilderness. When both of them lost track of what they were saying, Clarke cleared her throat.

“Do you want me to... uh... show you that first aid kit that I have in my drawer ?”

The corners of Lexa's mouth quirked up into a smirk. This was the lamest possible excuse to get her into her bedroom. She agreed nonetheless.

She put her empty glass on the kitchen table and followed the blonde girl into her bedroom. As expected, Clarke did nothing to show her anything, especially not a first aid kit. She sat on the bed, hands resting on her knees, and stared up at Lexa.

“Take off your clothes.” she whispered.

Lexa slowly untucked her shirt from her jeans and began unbuttoning it. She took her time, letting her fingers brush against her own skin as she did so, revealing her collarbones, her sternum, her covered breasts, her stomach. She watched calmly as Clarke's breathing began to sound unsteady.

She let her shirt fall to the floor and approached towards the bed, pushing Clarke onto her back, leaning over her like a cat. As Clarke's fingers began to touch her torso, then unclasping her bra, a wave of heat shot through her. Lexa slipped her own hands under the girl's clothes and kissed her.

Clarke flipped them over and pinned Lexa down on the bed, holding her wrists above her head. She took her own clothes off, feverishly, throwing them aside. Lexa grabbed her naked thighs, eliciting a soft whimper from Clarke's mouth.

_God, I am so turned on right now. I want her so badly._

As an answer to Lexa's silent prayer, Clarke slid her jeans off, and began to kiss her way down Lexa's body, lingering on her mouth, her chest, and her lower abdomen.  Electricity flooded Lexa's brain, adrenaline rushing through her veins, as Clarke took off her underwear with her  _teeth_ . Lexa decided this was the sexiest thing ever.

The blonde girl pressed a thigh between Lexa's legs, which honestly felt like torture. She kissed Lexa again,  eagerly.

“You're gorgeous, Lexa.” she whispered into the other girl's mouth. Her voice was husky, dripping with lust. In Clarke's mouth, the name 'Lexa' sounded like pure sex. Lexa swallowed hard.

She cupped the blonde girl's face and stared at her. Clarke's eyes were like a sky full of stars, dark and shiny, and her mouth contained the promise of heaven.

“You too.” 

She laid Clarke on her back and held her still, her head lowering towards her legs.  She left a trail of hot kisses on the girl's inner thigh, higher, and higher, as Clarke unraveled under her touch. Lexa passed her tongue on her lips, causing the blonde girl to whimper again in anticipation. Lexa could not believe how beautiful she was. 

And how perfect this moment was. They were out of time, out of space. 

Both the med student and the gang leader had disappeared, alongside with everybody else in the world. All that mattered were Clarke and Lexa, and their intimacy. 

And this time, thrown away on the floor among scattered clothes, Lexa's phone remained silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kudos and subscriptions and bookmarks and comments, it makes me incredibly happy ! See you on Saturday for the next chapter :)


	7. Face the Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Clarke finds herself in a delicate position.

Bellamy sat down at the table and checked his watch. As always, his sister was late. She finally entered the coffee shop, cheeks flustered, a large grin on her face. It cheered him up. He loved knowing Octavia was happy.

“Hi, brother !” She leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheekbone.

“Hi, O'. I can't help but notice you're unsurprisingly late.”

“I'm sorry, I was with Lincoln.” she said merrily, looking completely unapologetic.

“Yeah, your new, uh, boyfriend. How long have you been dating him ?” Bellamy asked, trying to be subtle.

He has always been uncomfortable with his sister's love life, hating the simple idea of a guy hurting her. Being a little overprotective, he often did his best to spook her boyfriends away.

“For two weeks now. He is awesome.”

“Can I meet him ?” he blurted out.

“God, no !” she laughed. “Remember my last boyfriend Atom ? The one you punched in the face ? I'm still holding that against you.”

“He was a jerk.” flatly explained Bellamy.

“Well, Lincoln isn't. He is sweet, and caring, and I'm not introducing him to you anytime soon. He certainly doesn't need to know I have an overprotective cop of a brother, not yet at least.”

“Do you mean he has no idea I actually exist ?” he asked, surprised and a bit hurt.

“Our relationship is still in its early days, Bell. It's basically a secret for everyone.”

Bellamy clenched his jaw. He liked to be in control of things. The very idea of his sister involved in a secret relationship with a total stranger was unnerving and incredibly worrying.

“What does Clarke think about him ?” he inquired. He trusted Clarke's advice on people. She seemed like a wise and brave girl, and he was glad she was Octavia's friend.

Octavia shrugged. Bellamy liked Lincoln even less now.

“We don't talk much anymore. We had an argument on the night I met Lincoln, but it was all because she had a weird behavior. She told me I should stay away from him. Duh, she sounded just like you.”

“And why would she think that ?” he asked, suspicious.

“Oh great, is this a police investigation now ?” Octavia snapped back, a little upset.

“Just answer me, Octavia. I'm your brother, I have the right to be worried about you.”

“ _Fine._ She thinks he and his friends are trouble. Which is absolutely ridiculous. These girls seem pretty cool. I've met them once or twice as well.”

Bellamy wasn't convinced. Full of concern, he decided to insist a bit more.

“And what do these people do with their lives ? Studying, working ?”

“Lincoln is selling stuff. Various business, little deliveries. I don't know much more about it though, since I think working is incredibly boring. It's not his job I'm interested in, obviously. As for his two friends, I don't really know. Oh, yeah, I think Lexa has started her own company or something.”

Bellamy stiffened. Lexa. That was quite an unusual name. Could it be the same Lexa Clarke told her about ? The criminal gang leader ? There was one way to make sure.

“Octavia, I need you to tell me the name of that second friend of Lincoln's.”

“Her name is Anya. Why are you being so weird ?” she asked, alarmed, as his brother slammed his fist onto the table.

“I don't want you to see this Lincoln anymore. Clarke is right. He is bad news. I've heard about him and his friends at the police station. They have a criminal record. Stay away from that guy, Octavia.”

Octavia gaped, confusion displayed on her features. Clearly she had no idea what to reply. Bellamy, anger swelling in him at an alarming speed, hardened his voice.

“Promise me you will break up with him.”

His sister looked completely lost.

“I... I can't, I mean, there must be some kind of mistake... Lincoln is the most honest guy I've met in years...”

Bellamy realized there was no point in trying to change her mind. His sister could be as stubborn as him. He stood up and put a few dollars on the table, enough to pay both of their coffees.

“I've got to go. See you later.” he said.

“Yeah, as you will...” muttered Octavia between gritted teeth.

The anger he felt had evolved into fury. White hot burning rage flooded his brain, blurring his vision. Clarke knew all along who Octavia was dating. She had know for _two fucking weeks_ and she hadn't told him. She had let Octavia down. She did not warn her that her boyfriend's friends were criminals, and that he surely was one himself. And she did not call him like she was supposed to. This was not only a vicious thing to do, but an obstruction to justice.

He called the police station. A colleague picked up.

“Hey, Blake, you need something ?”

“Yeah, mate. Could you give me an address ? Girl's name is Clarke Griffin. I need to see her, for some case I'm working on.”

“Sure thing, hang on a second.”

It turned out Clarke's apartment was within walking distance. Bellamy hurried there. They were going to have a serious explanation.

 

\---

 

Clarke looked at the girl lying naked next to her. Her brown curls were sparse on the pillow, her chest slowly rising as she was breathing, and her eyes, filled with emotions, were of a captivating indefinite shade of green, mixed with blue and gray.

Clarke followed the curves of her body with the tips of her fingers, in a light touch that sent shivers running across the girl's body. She absently caressed the tanned legs, the perfectly chiseled abdomen, the lines of her ribcage, of her collarbones, of her jaw.

“You're so beautiful”, she whispered, leaning in for a heated kiss.

Lexa and her started to develop a strange relationship. Clarke, hating that she was having an affair with a criminal, was sometimes behaving like she despised Lexa. The other girl just teased her in return, knowing that it was mainly an act.

In the end, they were just two girls with an incredible mental strength and a wild attraction to each other. And as it was to be expected, their relationship was revolving around sex, of the most intense, mind-blowing kind.

Clarke didn't like to admit it, but she actually liked Lexa, a lot, and, their physical interactions put aside, her conversation was highly stimulating. Lexa was a natural born leader, relentless in every aspect of her life. She was a very interesting woman to talk to. Even though Clarke wasn't agreeing with her choice of career, she had grown to admire her.

And everyday that went by, she admired more, and liked her more. Clarke was always eagerly looking forwards to Lexa's visits. Each time, she felt more happy than the last, and it seemed to Clarke that Lexa was only getting sexier and more captivating every time they met. 

During the past two weeks, Clarke had been spending her days at med school. She was working extremely hard in order to succeed. And her nights, she was spending with Lexa. The brown-haired girl would always knock at her door not long before midnight. Sometimes, when Clarke woke up, she was gone. Other times, she would stay over for breakfast.

This was one of those times. It was almost 10 am, but the two of them lazily lingered in bed, touching each other tirelessly, talking. It was a Sunday, and none of them had made plans until noon.

Clarke was struggling with her moral concerns. On one hand, she was sleeping with a killer. On the other hand, she shared a unique, strong bond with said killer. A relationship that brought her happiness. And she didn't want to end it.

Lexa gently stroked her hair.

“You're gorgeous too, Clarke.” she said in a soft voice.

Lexa grabbed Clarke by the shoulders and forced her to lay on her back. She climbed on top of her, propped up on her elbows, her hair brushing Clarke's face.

“I am glad I found you. It adds something different to my life.” she confessed.

“And what is that ?” laughed Clarke teasingly.

“Before, it was mainly about surviving. But maybe I deserve better.”

Lexa leaned in and kissed her, slowly. It was almost affectionate, as if they were actually a couple.

“I really like you.” whispered Clarke, the words leaving her mouth before she even realized it.

Lexa froze for a second, staring intensely at her. Clarke was worried she had misunderstood something. Maybe Lexa was just in it to get laid.

“I do too.” she whispered back.

Clarke felt lighter, a buzzing sensation nested in her stomach.

_I am falling for her,_ she realized.  Before she could decide whether or not it was a good thing, someone knocked at her door.

To be more accurate, somebody had just hit her door very hard, repeatedly.

“It's Bellamy Blake, Clarke, let me in !” she heard.

And by the sound of it, Bellamy was quite furious.

She rushed to her closet and grabbed the first dress she could find, pulling it over her head. She was naked underneath, but she hoped he wouldn't notice.

“I'm coming !” she yelled.

_How am I going to explain this to Lexa ?_

“Listen, you need to stay in the bedroom and hide until he's gone”, she whispered, alarmed. “He's, uh, a cop. He's after you. If he finds you here, you and I are going to jail.”

She tried to ignore the look of pure hurt on Lexa's face.

“You ratted me out, Clarke ? You told a _cop_ about me ?” 

Lexa's voice was barely a whisper, but her tone was as cold as ice. Her eyes were overflown with a look of burning rage.

“I'll explain it to you later, but it's not what you think...”

“Quite the opposite, Clarke, this is crystal clear. You betrayed me.”

Clarke couldn't deal with this right now. Torn apart, she bit her lip and closed the bedroom's door on Lexa, trapping her inside. She hurried to let Bellamy in.

The second she saw the look on his face, she knew he wasn't here to make a pleasant visit.

“Clarke, what the hell ?” he said with barely restrained fury.

She sat on the couch and took her head in her hands. Hoping to get him to focus on her. He probably wouldn't enter the bedroom, but it wasn't about him finding Lexa that Clarke was most worried about.

What consumed her with a vivid anguish was that Lexa could hear every single word. How could she ever forgive Clarke ?

“You were supposed to call me when Lexa or Anya called you back. I trusted you, for heaven's sake ! I thought you were on my side !” Bellamy went on, pacing around the living room, glaring at her.

“They never called me back to heal one of their people...” she started.

“Don't try to lie to me !” he burst out. “Octavia told me about her boyfriend, and how you backed out when you learned who were his friends. You _abandoned_ her in the hands of a criminal, you never told her who they were !”

“Listen, Bellamy...”

“Don't. I'm not finished. You saw Lexa, and you saw Anya. And you let my sister get involved in a relationship with their friend. By the way, I doubt he is their friend. I'd say he is working for Lexa.”

“I tried to warn her, I really did. She wouldn't listen.” replied Clarke.

“You should have warned _me_! I would have done something about it ! I would have put the three of them in jail, and make sure they never come close to Octavia again. Why the hell didn't you tell me what was going on, even though you knew it all along ?”

Clarke stood up to face him. He seemed very eager to punch her in the face, but she guessed she deserved that.

And she couldn't answer. She couldn't tell she had developed feelings for Lexa, she couldn't tell him that they were having an affair. So she decided to lie.

_I'm so sorry you have to hear this, Lexa. I wish you understand why I say that._

“I meant to call you. Just, not yet. I was hoping to get inside information about their business before I would turn them in. Octavia's feelings were collateral damage, but you know that bringing down a whole gang comes first.”

“I don't trust you anymore.” he replied curtly.

“I guess I can't blame you. Yet, deep down, you know what I did make sense. You just need some time to process it. I still am your inside man, well, your inside woman. I thought I could handle this on my own... Because you would have let your kinship blind your judgment. I...I will make it up to you.” Clarke spoke softly, part of her wishing her words weren't loud enough for Lexa to hear.

“I told Octavia they were criminals.” he blurted out. “I told her to stay away.”

“And I hope she listens to your advice. On the other hand, I can still be a spy for the police.” Clarke continued, trying to soothe him. “My cover isn't blown. They don't know I have been talking with you.”

Bellamy was standing very stiff. He was staring at her, deciding if he could believe her. Clarke bit the inside of her cheek. She wanted him to forgive her. She wanted him to like her, she realized. His values, after all, were all she ever respected. Honesty, bravery, loyalty. All of these values, that she always took pride in, she had blown away in the past two weeks.

She had given up on her values the second she saw Lexa dancing in that club. Clarke had tried very hard to be one of the good guys. But every time she thought about that beautiful girl, her determination shattered. Maybe there were no good guys. Perhaps all of them were just doing what was good for themselves.

Bellamy did what was good for his career and his sister. Lexa did what was good for her career and her people. And Clarke knew she had to pick a side. She had to chose between her what her head dictated her, and what her heart screamed.

It made her sick. She felt nausea swelling inside her, twisting her guts, as guilt was creeping up under her skin, provoking her whole body to cover in goosebumps.

“I am giving you a second chance. Bring me as much information as you can.” Bellamy finally said, in a loud voice.

“Thank you.”

“Don't disappoint me. Or I will have you arrested as their accomplice. I better not find out you're hiding things from me.”

With a last glance full of resentment, Bellamy left. Clarke went to look through her window. She watched him as he got into his car and drove away.

She turned around, ready to face Lexa. As she expected, the girl was behind her, fully dressed, fists clenched, knuckles white.

“I am such a fool. All this time, you played me.” she whispered.

“Lexa, let me explain...”

“No, Clarke. I've heard enough. I guess I should have killed you when I had the chance, the first time we met.”

Her tone was icy. It sent shivers through Clarke's body. Thoughts were rocketing in Clarke's brain, thousand of unspoken words collapsing before they could reach her mouth. She had so much to say to Lexa. Yet she couldn't find the right words.

Lexa gathered her possessions in her bag. Spare clothes. A toothbrush.

She turned away and walked through the door, slamming it behind her. The violent gesture sent vibrations through the air, followed by unbearable silence. Clarke, helpless, had watched as she disappeared from her sight.

Clarke marched towards her bed. She sat down and hugged her pillow. It was still smelling like Lexa. She breathed in, filling her lungs with that exquisite scent, her nostrils taking in every reminiscent trace of her perfume.

Clarke felt empty. Octavia did not talk to her anymore. She just lost Bellamy's trust. And she lost Lexa.

She shouldn't care about that. Why did she care so much ? It was for the better, she kept telling herself. A relationship with a criminal could not produce any good.

But she cared. She wanted Lexa back. She had to find a way to apologize and to regain her trust.

“ _I should have killed you”_ , she said. Those words were like a stab in the chest for Clarke, a knife tearing through her ribcage, piercing her heart.

However, the more Clarke thought about those words, the more she felt hope swelling inside of her.

Lexa could have killed her right now in retaliation if she wanted. But she hadn't physically harmed Clarke.

_She didn't kill me. She cared about me enough not to kill me._

_She cared. She cares._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading this, I'm so grateful you appreciate it ! Next update is on Wednesday :)


	8. Explanations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I have been so busy with college that I missed Wednesday's update ! My exams in med school are over in a month though, and I will go full-on writing mode.   
> Thanks again for all the support, enjoy :)

Lexa took the subway back to the suburban area. Her footsteps echoed through the empty bleak streets. The buildings, old and covered in graffiti, cast their shadows upon her. She dodged hooded figures who were lurking in the dark of the alleyways. They were young thugs, idle, broke, looking for people to rob. But they didn't scare her.

Today was not the day to mess with Lexa. She really wasn't in the mood.

Two young thieves made the terrible mistake of crossing her path in this very moment. They stood in front of her and one of them let out an appreciative whistle.

“Hey there babe, you got something to give us ? If you're generous maybe we won't bother you.”

Lexa's fist landed in his face before he knew what happened. Joy filled her when she felt his teeth shattering. His nose started bleeding heavily and his jaw was twisted sideways in an odd angle, probably broken. She took him by the shoulders and sent her knee upwards, hitting him in the crotch.

She spun around and kicked the other guy in the kneecap with all her strength. He collapsed, screaming in pain. Lexa kicked him again, in the stomach. The air was sucked out of the guy's lungs, and he tried to cover himself with his arms. She hit him again, and again. A couple ribs made a faint nose as they broke.

She forced herself to stop, and stepped back. The two men were lying on the ground, whimpering feebly. She crinkled her nose with disgust. Weak cowards, that's what they were.

Lexa whipped around and walked away.

She entered an old building and climbed creaking wooden stairs. Fumbling through her pockets, she found a key and unlocked the door of a little apartment. The place she called home.

It was a dimly lit place, with two rooms. Lexa dropped her bag to the floor and went straight to the shower, taking off her clothes on the way.

She raised her head under the stream of water. It was scalding hot, but she didn't care. The drops of water crashed on her face, burned her forehead, rolled on her cheeks, alongside her tears.

It washed away the taste of salt on her lips. Lexa slammed her fist against the wall, cursing herself for being so weak.

_Clarke._

She should have known better than to trust her. She may have the face of an angel, but behind that, there was the soul of the devil.

_Clarke. Her laugh. Her touch._

It all had been an act after all. She had let Lexa into her bed only to collect information.

_How damn foolish have I been to believe she could ever like someone like me !_

Lexa should have seen it at once. The girl was too pure, too honest. She was so well-educated, so concerned about everyone. She dedicated her life to save others, for fuck's sake. She was nothing like Lexa. She would never be.

And yet, Lexa had fallen in her arms, fallen into her bed, fallen for her. She bit her lips and clenched her fists. No treason had ever felt so rough to her. She was hurt, not only in her pride, but also in her heart.

It was killing her. Lexa did her best to chew back her pain.

She heard her phone buzzing. Again. Once she got out of the shower, she checked it.

Four missed called, and seven text messages, all from Clarke.

_Clarke - 10:46 : Please answer me. We need to talk._

_Clarke - 10:51 : You heard it, I didn't tell him anything about you !_

_Clarke - 10:52 : About us_

_Clarke - 10:56 : What we have, I didn't fake this, Lexa, and you know it_

_Clarke - 10:59 : You saw he didn't know anything, so why are you so silent ?!_

_Clarke - 11:07 : I did not betray you. Please trust me. I need to see you, I will explain_

_Clarke - 11:19 : I will harass you until you answer me. RESTLESSLY_

Lexa sighed heavily and dialed Clarke's number. Her teeth were gritted in anger. The other girl picked up instantly.

“Thank God, Lexa, we need to...”

“Meet me at the Italian restaurant down your street at 8 o'clock tonight. We will talk there.” she snapped before hanging up.

\---

 

 

“You look preoccupied.”

Lincoln tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Octavia let out a heavy sigh and buried her face in his shoulder. His strong arms squeezed her gently.

“It's just... Nevermind.” she said hesitantly.

He lifted her chin up to look right into her eyes.

“Hey. Talk to me. You know I'm here for you.”

“I... I have a brother.” started Octavia.

Lincoln looked surprised, to say the least.

“You never mentioned him.”

“I know, that's because he is really overprotective, and when my love life is involved, he can be very dumb.”

“Okay...” Lincoln let his voice trail away. “So, what is it about him that bothers you today ?”

“I went for coffee with him this morning, and I told him about you.”

Lincoln scratched the back of his neck. He could sense Octavia's unease, and it was worrying him. He waited for her to go on.

“He kinda told me to break up with you.” she dropped.

He raised his eyebrows.

“Why would he say that ? He never met me.”

Octavia bit her lip. At that very moment, Lincoln's phone buzzed. He glanced at it. It was a text from Lexa. He opened it, half distracted, waiting for his girlfriend to finish her explanation.

_Lexa – 12:11 : Break up with Octavia. Meet me after it's done._

Well, that was weird. More than weird, to be honest. First, Octavia's brother, and now Lexa ? It didn't make sense at all. He focused back on Octavia, who finally decided to speak.

“The thing is, he's a cop, and when I mentioned Lexa and Anya, he became like really angry, and he kinda said that you guys have a criminal record, and that I should stay away from you, but that's absolutely ridiculous, isn't it ?”

She had spoken very fast, but every word she said echoed through his mind, as panick was rising into him. Holy shit. And now, he had absolutely no idea what to answer Octavia.

“Lincoln ?”

He opened his mouth and closed it. Twice. Octavia frowned. She understood something was wrong.

“You do have a criminal record.” she said. It wasn't a question.

“Are you breaking up with me ?” was all he managed to answer.

“God, no !”

Octavia took his hand and intertwined their fingers.

“I don't care what you do. I'm in love with you. It kinda pisses me off, but I don't have my saying in this. You do what you have to do. I will tell my brother I ended our relationship, I promise, he will never hear about you. You're safe with me.”

Her eyes were truthful. He believed her, blindly. He cursed himself for what he was about to do, but he couldn't ignore what his heart was screaming.

“I love you too. But it's best if our relationship remains secret from now on. You don't tell your brother, I don't tell Anya or Lexa. Let them all believe we're over.”

“I understand.” she said as she leaned in to kiss him.

 

\---

 

The afternoon looked like it would never end. Every minute was excruciatingly slow, and Clarke was filled with a deep anguish that knotted her stomach. She checked her watch. Still eight hours to go.

Clarke scrolled through the text messages of her phone, desperately looking for somebody to talk to.

Her mom ? Hell no. The only thing she admired about Abigail Griffin were her skills as a surgeon. Beyond that, she despised her. She wasn't exactly a role model for her daughter.

She settled for Raven, her best friend from high school. Their friendship had started quite roughly, as they both had a crush on the same boy. However, they eventually got past those hard feelings and ended up caring for each other. Although they hadn't talked much since the beginning of the year, busy with their respective studies, they remained very close. She dialed the number shakily, her throat tight with non shed tears.

“Raven ?”

“Hey, sweetheart, it's been quite a long time. Are you okay ?” asked the familiar voice. Clarke felt immediately a little comforted.

“Not really... And you ?”

“Yeah, everything's great with school and with Kyle. Well, except the fact that he has better grades that me in engineering classes, which pisses me off, but hey, I'm still the best. But that's not important, Clarke. Don't move, I'll be at your place in half an hour and you can tell me about what is wrong. I'm always here for you.”

“Thanks.” answered Clarke in a little voice. “I'm so blessed to have you.”

“I know, honey. See you very soon.”

 

Raven stayed with Clarke the entire afternoon. They watched TV shows, cooked brownies and ate pretty much throughout the whole time.

Clarke, ignoring the tight sensation in her chest, did not tell the truth to Raven. Well, she couldn't. She knew Raven would freak out and call the cops – and who could have blamed her ? It was the reasonable thing to do.

She told her that she had a (fling ? relationship ? affair ?) with a girl, but the girl discovered that Clarke was talking to another boy and got pissed off beyond repair. Raven raised an eyebrow, not quite believing her, but she didn't press Clarke with further questions.

“I'm having dinner with her at 8 tonight, at the Italian restaurant.” sighed Clarke. “I hope I won't screw this up.”

“Hey, you didn't cheat. If she can't stand you talking to other people, then she's definitely not worth it.” decided Raven.

“I don't know how to say this, but, it's not any random guy. She is okay with me talking to anybody else, just not this one guy. And at first, I did it on purpose, so, tricky situation.”

Seeing that Clarke wasn't keen to go into detail, Raven dropped the subject.

At 7 pm, Raven left, hugging Clarke on the way out.

“Thanks for coming, Raven.”

“Anything for you, sweetie. I had a lovely time. Good luck for tonight.”

What Clarke could see, it was that Raven seemed to hate Lexa for making her feel so miserable. What she didn't see was Raven's mischievous look when Clarke mentioned the address and time of their dinner.

 

\---

 

When Clarke entered the restaurant, tugging nervously on the hem of her shirt, Lexa was already there, sitting alone at a table.

Clarke took a deep breath, ran a hand through her hair and went to sit across the table.

“Hey.” she said quietly.

Lexa lifted her head and stared at her. Her eyes expressed a mixture of pain, anger and something else that Clarke couldn't exactly define.

“I'm surprised you came alone. Is Bellamy Blake waiting for me outside ?” she answered bitterly.

“Lexa, please. Let's handle this like grown ups, okay ?”

Lexa nodded, her jaw tense. She handed Clarke the menu, as a waiter approached them.

“What do you want to eat ?”

“The same thing as you.” replied Clarke.

“We will have two plates of spaghetti bolognese, please.”

The waiter walked away with their order. An awkward silence installed itself.

Clarke finally broke it.

“I did not tell him about you. You heard it.”

Lexa glared at her.

“How am I supposed to believe anything you say now ? You were pretty convincing with him earlier. About you taking your time to collect information. So why didn't you tell him about me, was it because you were waiting for the right moment or because you care about me ?”

Lexa paused for a moment.

“ How do I know to which one of us you're lying, Clarke ?”

Clarke bit her lip. She was quickly preparing her speech. Meanwhile, the words were flowing out of Lexa's mouth, like she couldn't swallow them back anymore.

“Because you are lying to one of us, Clarke. Now is it him or is it me ?”

Clarke finally settled on what to say. Taking a deep breath, she started explaining herself.

“Listen, Lexa. I...”

But before, she could go on, she was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Hey, Clarke !”

She whipped around, and saw Raven and Kyle standing right beside them. Raven widened her eyes in fake surprise.

“Fancy seeing you here ! It's been such a long time !”

Lexa looked like she was ready to murder everyone in the room. Oblivious to her tense attitude, Raven gestured for Kyle to sit at the table next to Clarke and Lexa's.

“Let's have dinner together !” said Raven enthusiastically.

Clarke internally cursed her. So, that was why Raven was a bit weird about Lexa earlier. She wanted to see her by herself. Damn, why was she so protective of Clarke ? This was bound to be the most awkward dinner ever.

_I am going to kill you, Raven._

 

\---

 

Lexa could have murdered the intruders. She was dying to hear Clarke's explanations. But it looked like the two idiots weren't going anywhere, so Lexa chewed back her fury.

She decided to have fun with the situation. She was going to make Clarke extremely uncomfortable and she would enjoy it very much. Sweet, sweet revenge.

“Won't you introduce us, Clarke ?” she asked politely.

The blonde girl nervously twisted her hands.

“Of course. Uh, Lexa, this is Raven, my best friend, and her boyfriend, Kyle.”

The Raven girl had an aggressive smile, but Kyle genuinely shook her hand. Lexa was delighted to see that Clarke was struggling to find the words to introduce her.

“Guys, this is Lexa, she's... my... uh...”

She glanced at Lexa with a pleading look. Her lips formed the words “help me”. Merciless, Lexa remained silent, waiting for Clarke to finish her sentence.

“Girlfriend.” decided Clarke hesitantly. She looked more embarrassed than ever.

Lexa decided to make her even more uncomfortable.

“Am I ?” she said, raising an eyebrow.

Clarke blushed. Kyle laughed nervously. Raven looked frankly hostile.

“How come you don't know that, Lexa ?” she asked.

“We did not really discuss our relationship before.” answered Lexa calmly.

“Well, that's weird. You should have.”

Raven's stare was challenging. She seemed to want to protect Clarke and looked ready to fight for it. Territorial bitch, decided Lexa.

“Actually, we were about to discuss it. But you showed up.” indicated Lexa, dryly.

The waiter came back at this moment, looking destabilized by the tension at the table.

“Here is your order, ladies. I see you have company. What do you wish to eat ?” he asked Raven and Kyle.

Lexa started eating, not waiting for the others.

Clarke and Kyle did their best to make conversation. They were mostly the only ones speaking. Meanwhile, Raven and Lexa were having a silent war through eye contact.

“Okay, girls, if you're not going to talk, you might as well get out of the restaurant.” sighed Clarke.

Raven pouted and joined in the conversation.

“So what do you do for a living, Lexa ?”

“I am a businesswoman.”

Which wasn't untrue.

“Sounds impressive.” commented Raven. “What kind of business ?”

“I don't feel like talking about my job when I am taking a break from it.”

Raven mumbled something and changed the subject.

The dinner wasn't so terrible as it could have been. However, Lexa was growing extremely impatient. She wanted to be left alone with Clarke.

They had much to talk about.

Kyle must have sensed it, because he did his best to drag his girlfriend out of the restaurant as soon as they were finished eating. Lexa offered him a grateful little smile. Raven hugged Clarke and addressed Lexa a cold smile, and then they were off.

“That was weird.” said Clarke matter-of-factly.

“She doesn't like me.”

“I'm so sorry about them coming to dinner with us...”

Lexa interrupted Clarke by reaching out to squeeze her arm. Clarke stopped talking and rested her hand on Lexa's.

“It's okay, Clarke. Now, I just want to hear what you were about to tell me.”

“I understand why you got so mad at me, but I wished you would get what was going on.” she began.

“And what is that ?”

Clarke took a deep breath.

“When I first met you, I was determined to get you under arrest. I am a med student, and I have always been respectful of the law, so I felt like it was my duty.”

“I get that.” nodded Lexa.

“So I contacted that cop, Blake. He told me to wait until you called for me, and then we would try and arrest you. Except that you did not call for me.”

“Yeah, the next time we met it was...”

“... at the nightclub. And when I saw you there, Lexa, I just lost control of my brain. I forgot about Blake. All that mattered was you, and how gorgeous you were, and how we danced.”

Clarke bit her lip again, and it was as endearing as it was sexy. A warm sensation settled in the pit of Lexa's stomach.

“When you kissed me, I freaked out and I left. But I couldn't bring myself to call Blake. We had a connection, it was undeniable, and I didn't want to break it. And when you came to my place the day after, I was trapped. You had me wrapped around your finger.”

“I see.” commented Lexa with an empty smirk.

“And I never called Blake back. I threw myself in our relationship, disregarding every moral value I had. So, here it is. I hope you believe me.”

Lexa cursed herself. She couldn't help but trusting Clarke. She desperately wanted to believe everything she said.

She allowed herself one last question. As tough as that task was, she couldn't surrender to her feelings. It would make her weak.

“Give me one good reason to trust you, Clarke.” she said lowly, eyes locked with Clarke's.

Clarke's eyes were of the deepest blue. They were glowing with brightness, like a sky full of stars. They were staring at Lexa, baring her soul, so honest it was breathtaking.

“I didn't mean to, but I fell for you, Lexa. I'm in love with you.”

The words echoed through Lexa's mind, rocketing around her brain, leaving her speechless. Filling her with indescribable happiness.

She was dying to say it back. But the thought of Costia, and what happened to her, stopped her.

Cage Wallace was after her, and he was playing dirty, so that meant he would do anything to hurt Lexa. Including killing people she cared about.

Lexa's heart broke while she made up her mind. She needed to end Wallace and his man Emerson before committing herself to Clarke. She just couldn't do it right now. She couldn't lose her.

“I'm sorry, Clarke. I think it's best if we just keep things professional for a while. There is something I need to deal with first.”

Her voice had barely been a whisper, but every word was a whiplash to Clarke. Before her resolution could waver, Lexa paid the bill, squeezed Clarke's hand one last time and disappeared outside the restaurant.

She breathed in, staring at the sky, pressing her lips together. She wanted to cry.

However, Lexa knew she had made the right choice. Duty over feelings. Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, my apologies, this was so late. If it makes up for it at all, I am working on another Clarke/Lexa story that I am very excited about. Feel free to check it out. Kisses to you all !


	9. Shattered Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it has been so long, but here it is ! Thank you for all your support, it means a lot, you're all amazing :)

Clarke spent the following day studying at her flat, wearing nothing more than her underwear and an oversized shirt. She tried not to think too much about the way Lexa rejected her – after she told her she fell in love – but her mind constantly focused back on that fresh, painful memory.

As she finished eating her second bowl of ice cream, Clarke cursed herself. She knew all along that her relationship with Lexa was a fragile and dangerous one. Hell, it was never going to end well, she was perfectly aware of it. And that didn't stop her from getting emotionally involved way too much. Last night's events were predictable, but she had chosen to ignore that blindly.

She was also mad at Lexa. What she did wasn't fair. After all, _she_ had been the one to pursue Clarke, the one who kissed her first, the one who initiated a morally doubtful relationship. And now, she was rejecting her. Moreover, as she did it, Lexa remained still and calm as a fucking marble statue. She didn't even have the decency of sharing the slightest hint of human feelings.

Clarke slammed her empty bowl in the dishwasher and licked the remaining bits of ice cream off of her spoon.

She was in an extremely bad mood. Feeling down, hurt, sad and angry at once. Everyone and everything was getting on her nerves. Her knuckles turned white as she clutched the sides of the sink.

Fuck Octavia and her sulky attitude.

Fuck Lexa and her damn composure.

Fuck the gluteal area and the femoral nerve and everything from her med books.

And fuck Raven who ruined her dinner with Lexa.

Someone knocked at her door and a very recognizable voice called out.

“Let me in, Griffin !”

_Speaking of the devil_ , thought Clarke.

She slammed the door open, determined to speak her mind to her so-called friend. Raven immediately walked past her and threw herself on the couch.

“So, there's a good point and a bad point. Which one do you want to hear first ?”

Not waiting for an answer, Raven kept talking.

“The good point. Damn, she's hot, I'll grant you that. You know I usually only like guys but I'd do her anytime. Like, I'd be totally okay getting d...”

“Raven !” snapped Clarke. This was unbelievable.

The other girl raised her hands innocently and went on, not noticing how upset Clarke was.

“Bad point. She's a fucking asshole. I have rarely met such a bitch, and that means something, trust me. And what's up with that stick up her ass ? If I didn't know you were taking care of that, I'd say she desperately needs to get laid. So, just dump her. Not good for you.”

Clarke sighed and threw Raven a scathing look.

“That's already taken care of, Raven. She rejected me right after you left. And having you interfere with my plans to apologize certainly didn't help. I can't believe you crashed my dinner with her.”

Well. Actually, coming from Raven, it didn't surprise her that much.

The brunette girl sat up straight and tilted her head, suddenly paying more attention to Clarke.

“Really ? How are you holding on ? I'd say I'm sorry for you, but after meeting her, I'm not. So I'll just hug you.”

Raven got up and wrapped her arms around Clarke, who remained tense, fists clenched.

“Raven. You know I still resent you for ruining my night yesterday, right ?”

Raven took a step back.

“Oh, yeah. Too soon to get back to hugs, uh.”

Clarke gave a quick nod. Her friend sat down on the couch.

“Hey, wanna binge watch the first two seasons of Orphan Black with me again ? Season 3 just started but I could do with a reminder. It's just too good.”

Clarke considered it for a moment before launching the DVD. Raven was her best friend. She couldn't stay mad at her forever. But she wasn't keen on forgiving her entirely yet either. She sat down next to her, but didn't rest her head on her shoulder like she usually did.

“Hey, Clarke, chill out. I swear, you're about as stiff as Lexa.” Raven nudged her friend in the arm.

“Raven ?”

“What ?”

“Too soon.”

 

\---

 

A week went by. Raven tried to make it up for her intrusive behavior, so she did her best to cheer up Clarke. The two girls spent more time together in a few days that in the couple previous months. Lunch, movies, gym, dinner ; anything to get Lexa out of Clarke's mind.

Even though she never said it, Clarke was grateful. Raven had proven herself once again an amazing friend, supportive when she needed it most.

But it didn't fill the gigantic hole in her heart that threatened to swallow her whole. She missed Lexa like crazy. She hoped that, wherever she was, she was okay. She felt the lack of her presence acutely every night, the feel of her body beside hers, the scent of her hair. She clutched onto the hope that Lexa hadn't forgotten her. That she would come back. That she loved her. As much as Clarke loved her.

Because everyday that went by only strengthened Clarke's feelings, the realization hitting her hard whenever her mind wandered towards Lexa. How hadn't she seen it earlier ? She loved her. God, she loved her.

_Come back._

_Come back, Lexa._

 

\---

 

“You're late, Lincoln.”

Her voice was low, but her tone was as sharp as a razor edge, as hard as steel.

“Sorry, I've been held back.”

Lincoln sat down and kept his eyes on the table, like a scolded child.

“This is an important meeting, Lincoln. Surely whatever you were doing could wait.”

Lexa threw him an icy look that could had frozen a fire. He had been acting strange lately, almost like he had something to hide.

“I'm sorry. It won't happen again.”

“Indeed it won't. Because if it does, don't bother coming at all. I can think of several dedicated people who would be eager to replace you.”

The threat floated through the air a long moment. Around the table, Anya, Indra and Gustus were pointedly avoiding looking at Lincoln.

Lincoln swallowed hard and nodded obediently. Deciding that was good enough for her, Lexa moved on to the most pressing matter.

“There had been progress on the Emerson case. Gustus, explain the situation.”

Gustus cleared his throat and displayed a map of the city on the table for everyone to see.

“My men followed Cage Wallace and eventually he led us straight to Emerson. We have been able to locate Emerson's safe place. It is a well guarded building. Right here.”

Gustus landed a finger on the map, circling a point in a suburban area.

“Carl Emerson has been hired by Cage Wallace for protection. He leads a group of mercenaries. It's hard to estimate the number of men here, but there are a lot. Indra and I have placed people watching the building 24/7, gathering as much information as we could.”

Indra stood up and took the lead of the explanations.

“Emerson spends most of his time inside the building. His men come in and out, but he's very careful. But we spotted the breach we need. Every morning at 7 a.m., Emerson gets out and drives away to report to Wallace.”

Lexa let her fingers slide over the map.

“This is our opportunity.” she said. “Tomorrow morning, when he gets into his car, we'll be there. We capture him, take him back here. Then, when nobody can witness it, we kill him. Then I'll send his head to Wallace.”

She let her words sink in. Once her lieutenants all acknowledged her plan, she went on.

“It's a quick mission. Fast, neat, no fussing. It will only be Anya, two men, and me. We'll take a car and put him in the trunk. Any questions ?”

Lincoln, Indra and Gustus shook their heads, as obedient as ever. Anya, on the other hand spoke up, giving Lexa a scrutinizing look.

“I do have one question.”

“Please speak.” answered Lexa tensely.

“This is going to be a risky endeavor. Why don't we bring medical back-up, in case things turn nasty ?”

Lexa stiffened. The unspoken question was _why don't we bring Clarke Griffin._

“She would be a burden on the field. We're not bringing her.”

_And I don't want her to get hurt._

Anya wasn't satisfied with the answer.

“She could just sit in the back of the car. She's an important asset, could make a difference between life and death.”

“I said no.” replied Lexa impatiently. “Anyway, her apartment isn't very far. If things go bad, we'll be at her place in a matter of minutes. Thank you all for coming today. You're dismissed.”

Without arguing, Gustus, Indra and Lincoln left the room. Anya, stubborn as ever, lingered behind. Lexa sighed internally, knowing the discussion was not over.

From the look on Anya's face, she was about to ask about what happened between Clarke and Lexa. Lexa clenched her jaw and snapped at her.

“Anya. Don't.”

The other woman narrowed her eyes, trying to decipher Lexa.

“Fine. I won't ask about you two. But do not let your feelings cloud your judgment. We need Clarke Griffin's abilities on this.”

“We're not bringing her into this. My mind is settled, Anya.”

Anya sighed, displaying her annoyance.

“Alright. But tell her to get her gear ready in case we come to her place for an emergency.”

“I don't think...”

Anya squeezed Lexa's arm. She stared at her, more serious than ever.

“Lexa, you know I'm right about this. Text her. Now.”

If Lexa had learned anything during all those years Anya raised her, it was that she was as fierce and stubborn as her. Lexa might be the commander of this gang, but Anya was more than family. What bonded them was deeper than kinship.

Lexa gave up and started typing on her phone. Anya eyed her, satisfied, and finally left the room.

_Lexa – 18:47 : Get ready for possible medical intervention tomorrow at 7 am._

Lexa pressed her lips together. She knew that Clarke was glued to her phone all day long, and that she had read her text right away.

The question was, would she answer ? Lexa could easily guess the girl's internal struggle. On one hand, she must be incredibly hurt by a week of silence and mad at Lexa, after all that had happened. Although, on the other hand, Clarke was dedicated to healing people, this was something that ran through her veins, anchored to her very bones. Lexa hoped for the latter option.

_Clarke – 18:49 : What kind of intervention._

Relief flooded Lexa, her breath turned steadier. She hadn't noticed how nervous sending that text had made her.

_Lexa – 18:50 : Bullet wound most likely. Knife perhaps. I don't know._

_Clarke – 18:51 : When you say “get ready”, does it mean I have to go somewhere ?_

_Lexa – 18:52 : No. We'll come to you if need be. Just be prepared at your apartment. I know you're usually asleep at 7am, so I'm just warning you now._

Lexa swore internally. That last sentence really wasn't necessary. It was like an invisible force pushed her to keep speaking to Clarke.

Her chest felt suddenly too tight for her heart. She missed that blonde, bold, gorgeous girl way too much.

_Clarke – 18:54 : Ok. I'll be awake then._

_Lexa – 18:55 : Thank you._

_Clarke – 18:56 : Don't thank me. This is purely, how did you say, “professional”, is it ? It's not like I have any choice._

_Lexa – 18:57 : You know I didn't say it to hurt you Clarke._

_Clarke – 18:58 : Whatever. And in case you wonder, Bellamy Blake won't be there to arrest you..._

Lexa decided it was better not to answer. She trusted Clarke, and she didn't want to engage into an argument that would be painful and useless for both of them.

To her surprise, another text message followed shortly afterwards.

_Clarke – 19:01 : And Lexa_

_Lexa – 19:02 : Yes ?_

_Clarke – 19:03 : Please be careful._

The ghost of a smile danced on Lexa's lips, as a wave of warmth ran through her, soothing her aching heart, as it felt like it was about to burst with affection and caring. God, how she loved her.

 

\---

 

“6:58. Get ready.”

Lexa tightened her grip around her gun. Like Anya, she was more comfortable with weapons made of steel, but now was not the time for daggers.

The sun was peering over the buildings, casting long shadows on the concrete. In a minute, the door across the street would open and their target would walk towards them.

Anya, Lexa and a young bearded man were hiding on the corner of the street, ready to intercept Carl Emerson as he would try to reach his car. Everything would happen very fast. Right beside them, another man was waiting in a car with tainted windows, ready to drive them away in a matter of seconds.

“It's time.” whispered Lexa. Anya nodded silently, alert.

Surely enough, footsteps approached. But something was wrong.

“He's not alone.” said the young bearded man under his breath.

Anya's face hardened.

“We don't have time to back off now.” she muttered, clicking the safety off her gun.

Before Lexa could call her back, Anya ran to the street, taking their opponents by surprise. She opened fire, the sound of gunshots blasting through the air.

“Don't kill him !” shouted Lexa as she jumped beside Anya.

There were four men, and two of them were already down, kneecaps exploded. A considerable amount of blood was already starting to stain the floor. Lexa recognized Emerson, who was the fastest to react.

He drew out his gun and fired twice at them, whipping around to run away.

As Lexa's man shot the other mercenary down, Anya collapsed.

Lexa saw that Emerson was about to get out their reach, but he was not the priority anymore. Anya was.

With a bullet wound in the stomach, she had about twenty minutes before she bled out. Lexa could take her to Clarke's place in five.

 

\---

 

Clarke had cleared her table, turning it into an operation table. All her medical gear was already sterilized and ready to be used, everyone of her tools displayed where she could reach them. She had stolen anesthetics from the clinic she had been working the previous day.

She washed her hands for the third time, nervous and focused at once. She hoped she wouldn't have to perform any surgery, but somehow she had a bad feeling.

She had left her door open, in order to waste as little time as possible.

It proved itself useful when Lexa burst in, followed by a young man who was carrying an injured woman in his arms.

At first, Clarke felt relieved to see Lexa was okay. However, a split second later, she realized the woman covered in blood was Anya, and her wound seemed critical.

“Put her here.” she commanded at once, pointing at her table.

As soon as Anya was laid on the table, Clarke took her scissors and tore her shirt open. Bullet wound in the stomach, right below the liver.

“Leave, go to report to Indra and Gustus.” she heard Lexa say. From the corner of her eye, she saw the young man leave her apartment.

Lexa came to stand next to Clarke, looking extremely freaked out.

“Is she gonna be okay ?”

“I don't know yet.” said Clarke, as she injected anesthetics into Anya's veins with a syringe, even though the young woman had passed out. “She's lost a lot of blood.”

She lifted Anya quickly to check her back.

“Good. The bullet went through her. Exit point looks clean, so I assume there have been no fragmentation.”

Clarke scooted over Anya, examining the entry point with surgical tools. Beside her, a very nervous Lexa kept twisting her hands nervously.

“What do you see ?” she asked, her voice strangled.

“The path of the projectile looks neat. No critical organs have been touched. It missed the main artery in this area. So I'm guessing no traumatic hypovolemic shock. I just have to avoid exsanguination.”

“Speak English, Clarke !” snapped Lexa.

Clarke whipped around and shoved her roughly. The back of Lexa's knees hit the couch and she fell onto it, losing her balance.

“Lexa, I can't perform surgery on Anya _and_ babysit you. So if you want me to save her, you just shut the fuck up and stay put. I need to focus.” she hissed.

Lexa struggled for a second to say something, mouth open, confused.

“Go to my bedroom and stay there until I'm done.” decided Clarke.

Her tone was harsh and determined. Lexa stared at her helplessly and then obeyed.

 

\---

 

When Clarke opened the door, Lexa was curled up on her bed like a wounded puppy, eyes closed but not sleeping.

“Hey there.” she said softly.

Lexa sat up straight, frowning in worry.

“How is Anya ?” she asked at once.

“She'll be fine. But that was a close call.”

Clarke watched Lexa as her whole body relaxed a bit. She went to sit on the bed next to her.

“Thank you.” whispered Lexa, staring at her, her eyes telling a million things, like windows opened on her soul.

Clarke squeezed Lexa's hands and chuckled lightly.

“Why are you laughing ?” asked Lexa, looking completely lost.

“The first time I met you, it was also because Anya took a bullet. Is that an habit or some kind of tradition with you people ?”

Lexa was too tense to get the irony of the situation, but she was grateful.

“Sorry I tried to kill you the first time. It would have been the biggest mistake of my entire life.”

Clarke smiled softly.

“I'm glad you didn't.”

Lexa bit her lower lip and moved on the bed, closer to Clarke. Their hands were joined, fingers intertwined, knees touching.

“Listen, Clarke...”

Without warning, Clarke leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, merely a light pressure of the lips. She pulled back a few seconds later, watching as Lexa's eyes fluttered open, full of stars and emotions.

“We don't need to talk about that now.” said Clarke.

“Why did you just kiss me ?” whispered Lexa.

“Because you needed to shut up. And you're shaking, literally, because of what happened to Anya. And I hate to see you like that.”

Lexa looked lost again, her body shivering.

“Can I... stay over until she wakes up ?”

Clarke tucked a strand of Lexa's hair behind her ear.

“Of course. Now rest.”

Lexa laid down obediently on the bed, facing the wall, turning her back on the blonde girl. Clarke hesitated for a moment and laid down as well, pulling the other girl close to her, hugging her.

Wordlessly, Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand, intertwining their fingers. They had never really cuddled before, but right now Lexa looked like she could use it.

They stayed awake a very long time, calm and silent. Clarke rested her forehead on the back of Lexa's neck, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume. Eventually, Lexa's breathing relaxed and slowed down a bit, steady.

As they both drifted away into sleep, Clarke decided she never wanted to get out of her bed. She wanted to stay in there, her body flushed against Lexa's, in that timeless bubble where everything was silent and peaceful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My exams are very very soon but I'll try to update this story as soon as I can. A lot of things are going to happen, so get ready guys. ;)


	10. Latent Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys ! So, important chapter here. Enjoy. :)

Clarke woke up nestled in Lexa's arms. She listened to her calm breathing for a few moments before opening her eyes. The ruthless leader looked impossibly cute, harmless and peaceful, so very much unlike Lexa's usual self.

Clarke smiled softly before slowly extracting herself from Lexa's grip, trying to get out of the bed without waking her up. She failed miserably.

“I'm cold now.” mumbled Lexa grumpily.

“As much as I'd love staying in bed with you, I need to check up on Anya.” replied Clarke, her features darkening.

Fully awake now, Lexa sat up straight, overwhelmed with worry.

“Can I see her ?”

“Yes. But you stay quiet, please.”

Lexa followed Clarke into the living room. Anya was lying on the table, her stomach tightly wrapped up in bandages that were stained with blood.

Clarke frowned.

“I have to change her bandages, and see if the wound is still clean. You might not want to be here for that.”

Lexa nodded.

“I think it's best if I just let you work.”

Nevertheless, she sat down in the couch, staring at Anya worryingly.

As soon as Clarke laid a hand on Anya's stomach, the young woman let out a whimper. Lexa rushed to her side and squeezed her hand gently.

“It's okay, Anya, I'm here. Clarke is taking good care of you.” she said in a low voice.

Clarke smiled. For some reason, it warmed her heart to see Lexa being so caring. Anya's eyes flickered open and focused on the two girls by her side.

“Told you” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “Medical back-up's necessary.”

Before Lexa could reply, Clarke pushed her aside and bend over Anya.

“This is all really nice, but I need to check out the wound. Then I'll give you some water, and you can go back to sleep. Your body needs to rest, not to talk.”

While Clarke attended to Anya's injury, Lexa patiently waited on the couch. As the young med student predicted, Anya drifted back to sleep within moments.

“I'm sorry.” said Lexa, breaking the silence, much to Clarke's surprise.

“For what ?”

“For being such an idiot. I thought I would be stronger if I shut you out, but I was weak for hiding my feelings. People get hurt anyway, and I need you, Clarke, both as a doctor and a lover.”

Clarke crossed her arms and sighed, vaguely pissed.

“So you do have feelings ?”

Lexa got up and stood in front of her.

“I thought that was obvious.” she answered in a whisper.

Clarke shook her head. There was bitterness in her voice, but also tenderness she failed to hide.

“Do you have any idea what I've been through this week ? I told you that I love you, Lexa, and you left without an answer. I hadn't even heard from you since then, and it hurt.”

Taking another step forward, Lexa cupped Clarke's face in her hands, running a thumb over her lips.

“Better late than never, then. I love you, Clarke Griffin. You burst into my life at a moment when I didn't expect anything from relationships anymore, and I desperately fell for you. I am sorry that it scared me so much I hurt you. I never want to hurt you anymore. I want to treasure what we have, I want to be with you.”

They were impossibly close, and Lexa felt Clarke's nervous chuckle more than she heard it.

“Lexa, I had never heard you speak so much at once.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“Perhaps. But I'm done talking now.”

She pulled Clarke closer and met her halfway in a gentle kiss.

Clarke smiled against her lips, as happiness swelled inside of her. This was more than she ever expected from Lexa. But she was positive they could make it work. They were extremely different indeed, and, after all, it was probably what made them so great together.

She wrapped her arms around her now girlfriend – her heart beat consistently faster when she referred to Lexa like that – and ran her tongue across her lips. Lexa let out a breath that sounded suspiciously like a moan.

“Never thought I'd hear _that_ coming out of your body.” interrupted Anya weakly.

Lexa jumped away from Clarke and leaned herself on the table where Anya was, trying to look casual.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” she denied very sternly. “Weren't you asleep ?”

Anya gave her a scrutinizing look.

“I was. Before _that_.”

As Lexa began blushing, Clarke shushed Anya authoritatively.

“Don't talk so much.” she commanded.

She turned to Lexa and took her hand.

“Not that I don't want you around, but she needs to rest and heal.”

Lexa nodded.

“I have business to attend to. I'll leave you with her then.”

Lexa quickly said goodbye to Anya and headed towards the door. Her hand on the knob, she stopped, hesitantly eying Clarke.

“I'll come tonight if you want.”

Clarke grinned broadly and kissed her girlfriend – she really like that word – her hands lost in Lexa's braided hair.

“I look forward to it.” she replied as they pulled apart.

When Lexa left, Clarke found herself constantly smiling, happier than she had been for weeks.

It all seemed like a perfect dream. Anya was saved ; Lexa loved her ; they were back together. Alas, the most perfect dreams always turn into nightmares. But Clarke didn't know that yet.

 

\---

 

Half an hour after that, Clarke received the unexpected visit of Raven. True to herself, the young mechanic burst in without any warning, hardly paying any attention to Clarke on her way in.

“Yo, Griffin, I brought cookies... Who the hell is that ?”

Raven froze in the kitchen, holding a box of what looked like burned homemade cookies, staring at Anya who was using the table as a hospital bed.

Clarke cursed herself. She should have warned Raven not to come today. She totally forgot, her mind being really busy thinking about Lexa.

“Raven, this is Anya.” she replied, displaying a totally fake smile.

“If you think you're getting away with that explanation, you're a fool, Clarke. Let me rephrase : who the hell is that ?”

Anya had been awoken by Raven's loud entrance and was staring at her with utter distrust, her body tense. Clarke frowned at that sight.

“Your stitches, Anya ! Relax ! I swear, you're the worst patient ever.” she snapped before turning back to Raven. “Well, I found her in the streets, and she was hurt, so I brought her back here.”

Actually, this was exactly how she first met Anya. Clarke felt quite pleased with her explanation. Raven pouted in disbelief.

“That's very weird. How did you get hurt ?” she asked to Anya.

“None of your business.” answered Anya dryly between gritted teeth, looking frankly hostile.

Raven sat on the couch and tilted her head, starting to eat a cookie.

“I'm getting concerned about you, Clarke. Lately, every woman I've surprised you with is a rude bitch. Is this a pattern ? Because that's terrible taste, you know.”

Clarke sighed heavily.

“Raven, you're the one being a bitch right now. Don't provoke her. Anya, don't pay attention, my friend is stupid.”

Anya ignored Clarke and glared at Raven.

“Are you talking about Lexa ?”

Raven nearly choked on her cookie, while Clarke buried her face in her hands.

“What ? I thought you said you found her randomly in the streets ?”

“Yeah, I did.” said Clarke hurriedly. “And we talked a bit, and it turned out we both know Lexa. What a coincidence, right ?”

Raven pointedly pressed an accusative finger on Clarke's nose.

“You're hiding something from me, Griffin. I want to know what it is.”

She turned to Anya.

“Hey, you, over there, care to explain what the fuck is going on ?”

“No.” groaned Anya. If a look could kill, Raven would be dead by now.

“Raven, can you leave ?” asked Clarke bluntly.

“No, sweetheart.” she answered sarcastically. “Kyle and his friends have invaded our apartment for some stupid engineering meeting. You're stuck with me. But don't worry, I'm sure we'll have a wonderful time with Queen Bitch Number Two.”

She addressed a sharp smile at Anya. “Seriously, how many of you are there ? I don't think Clarke needs anymore Lexa-ish friends slash girlfriends.”

Raven grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, settling for some reality show.

Anya rolled her eyes. “This is worse than getting shot.” she whispered so only Clarke could hear.

Clarke couldn't help but smile. She was in such a good mood that she actually didn't mind spending the afternoon in the crossfire of Anya and Raven's waves of loathing.

“I think I figured out how you got hurt.” called Raven without looking at Anya.

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “Raven, don't...”

“You tried to smile, right ? I mean, when you never tried it before, it must be very painful. You should warn Lexa, the same thing could easily happen to her.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and prayed that Anya wouldn't react.

“Tell her yourself. You must be so happy that Lexa is Clarke's girlfriend. This way you will get to hang out with her all the time. How wonderful.” snapped Anya.

Oops. Trouble.

Raven slowly turned around to face Clarke, smiling widely in a way that was almost terrifying.

“I must have misheard. I thought she said you and Queen Bitch were back together. Ridiculous, right ?” she muttered.

Clarke seemed suddenly fascinated by the TV set.

“Clarke ? Seriously, you know this is a very bad idea, don't you ?”

Clarke sighed and faced Raven.

“Listen, I know you don't like her. But I'm happy with her and you need to respect that.”

Raven pouted and crossed her arms.

“Fine. But if she hurts you again, I swear I'll rip her throat out with my teeth.”

“Wow. How violent. But thanks, R'.”

Clarke gave her friend a hug. Decidedly, nothing today could possibly ruin her mood.

She would soon enough discover how wrong she was.

 

\---

 

When Lexa entered her safe house, Indra, Lincoln and Gustus were already there, talking, looking very gloomy.

“How's Anya ?” asked Indra when she spotted her boss.

“She's recovering. The girl taking care of her is really competent.”

Lexa snapped her fingers to get the full attention of Gustus and Lincoln.

“Sit. I want to know what went wrong. We could have all died out there, trying to kidnap that damn Emerson.”

Gustus shook his head.

“I have no idea. He was supposed to be alone.”

“Yes, that's what you had told me, Gustus. And yet there were four men with guns. I can't help but think Emerson foresaw our operation.”

“But how could he possibly know you were coming for him ?” frowned Lincoln.

Lexa said nothing, acknowledging in her own way how clueless she was.

“I have news” announced Indra. “We can make up for that mess. Emerson is going to meet the woman named Doctor Tsing this afternoon. This is our opportunity.”

Lexa slammed her fist on the table.

“Good. We get in, kill the woman, kidnap that bastard, and then I can finally send his head to Cage Wallace.”

Lincoln cleared his throat uneasily.

“We should kidnap them both instead.”

“What use is she to us ?” snapped Lexa.

“She's the one who created that drug, the Red, with Wallace. I sold the syringes we had and it has a great success. It's a very popular drug, so I think we should get her to give us the recipe.”

“Fine.” agreed Lexa after a moment.

She fumbled through her pockets and found a piece of paper that she handed to Gustus.

“Here is the address where Anya is. If you could drop by to give her some clothes, it would be appreciated.”

Gustus stuffed the paper in his own pocket and nodded.

“So I assume you're not bringing me on this operation ?”

“No.” replied Lexa. “But this time we won't take any chances. Indra, get eight of your men ready. There's no way Emerson is slipping through my fingers again.”

 

\---

 

Lexa sharpened her blade. The operation had been a success. It all had run smoothly. No casualties, and Lexa had finally gotten hold of the man she wanted.

The whole room was covered in cellophane to avoid blood-spread on the walls. Besides, it was quite empty, the only furniture being two chairs in the middle of the room, and a table in a corner.

“Bring them in.” she called in a cold voice.

Her men dragged the two prisoners inside the room and tied them to the chairs. Lexa checked the knots and leaned back on the wall, satisfied.

“Hello, Emerson. You're a hard man to find.”

He smirked, boldly, as if he wasn't afraid. The man was good at bluffing, thought Lexa, but she knew better. Meanwhile, the Doctor Tsing was making terrified squeaky sounds. And it was increasingly getting on Lexa's nerves.

“What is this place ?” asked the woman in a wavery voice. “What do you want ? Please, I don't want to die...”

“I wish I could tape your mouth.” Lexa cut her short, her tone icy. “But I need you to give me your precious drug recipe.”

“What ? I... I can't...”

“So shut up. Save your breath until you're ready to tell me. Because it's the only way you will walk of this room alive.”

Lexa turned to Emerson, toying with her blade.

“Sadly, you won't make it out alive. It's the end of the road for you.”

Emerson swallowed hard.

“You don't have to kill me. You know, it's just business. I simply happen to work for a man who pissed you off. It's nothing personal.”

Lexa snapped her fingers at the four men who were in the room with her and the prisoners. “Everyone out. Don't let anybody in until I'm done.” she commanded.

As her men left obediently, the Doctor Tsing started wailing quietly, her eyes bright with terror.

“I would have thought so.” Lexa replied finally. “But it became personal the moment you shot my friend.”

“The woman this morning ?” grunted Emerson. “She was brave. I'm sorry.”

Lexa made a popping sound with her tongue, impatient.

“She's alive, otherwise you would be dead already too. But you did almost kill her, and you're going to pay for it.”

Lexa ran her blade across Emerson's shoulders, piercing through the fabric of his shirt. She left a red trail of blood, the skin having been cut open instantly.

“Sharp enough.” she decided, eying her knife. “Is there anything you want to say before you die ?”

She pressed the knife to his throat, just enough to draw a few drops of blood. Doctor Tsing squealed again.

“What time is it ?” asked Emerson hoarsely.

“What ?” frowned Lexa, taken aback.

“The exact time, please.”

Lexa was a cold blooded killer, yes, but she was always respectful of dying wishes.

“It's 6:58 pm”, she said, checking her watch.

“You're going to wait 7:00 pm to kill me.” Emerson replied, his eyes shining with a strange intensity.

“And why would I do that ?”

“Because there's a phone in my back pocket, and if everything goes as planned, you're going to receive a call in exactly two minutes.”

Lexa dropped carefully the knife on the table and clenched her fists.

“What is this nonsense ?”

“Let's say there was a contingency plan. In case things went badly for me.”

She punched him in the jaw, hard enough to feel the bone crack under her knuckles. Emerson spat, spilling blood on his shirt, his bottom lip cut open.

“Answer me. What call are you talking about ?” she hissed.

At this very moment, a ringtone echoed through the room. Lexa froze, as a smile stretched Emerson's bloody mouth.

“That's for you.” he whispered.

Lexa reached his back pocket and picked up the phone.

“Who is this ?”

“ _Lexa ? This is Cage Wallace speaking.”_

A heavy silence fell across the room.

“I have Emerson and your doctor.” she said.

“ _I am well aware of that. I want to meet you tomorrow in the morning so we can discuss a truce. This war is only harming both of our sides. It's in nobody's interest to keep it going.”_

Lexa was uncomfortable. Something was wrong here.

“You started it. I'm sorry it took you so long to realize you can't handle me, but I will not back out now. I always finish what I start. If I kill the Doctor Tsing and Emerson now, you lose this war. You will lose both muscle and brain. Your whole operation will collapse.”

“ _I guess so.”_

“This is how this war ends, Cage. I'm going to kill them now.”

She had to threaten the doctor with the knife to stop her from crying too loud. Really, what an annoying woman, that one.

“ _You don't want to do that.”_ laughed Wallace in her ear.

An uneasy feeling crept up Lexa's spine.

“Why wouldn't I ?” she asked defiantly.

“ _Because you're not the only one with prisoners.”_

Lexa's throat tightened.

“What did you do ?” she said in a whisper.

Cage Wallace laughed again.

“ _I found the jackpot. And I am sure you won't harm my people, and that you will agree to meet me tomorrow.”_

Shaking with dread and rage, Lexa almost screamed.

“What did you do ?”

“ _The door was open, so I didn't have to use much force. These three ladies were harmless, really, since the only true fighter was already hurt.”_

A pause.

“ _Say hello to Lexa, will you ?”_

Lexa shut her eyes. _No. No, no, no._

When Clarke's frightened voice reached her through the phone, she felt as if her heart had just been stabbed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Clarke Anya and Raven are pretty screwed. By the way, now I will be back to weekly or bi-weekly updates. I still haven't decided how many chapters are left, but I know what I want to tell, and it shouldn't be more than 20. Kisses to you and thanks again for all the kudos and comments, you really are amazing. :)


	11. And all hell broke loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because the 100 is a dark series, and it can't all be bright and sunny, this is quite a brutal but extremely important chapter. I am really sorry about the long wait, things came up that I didn't expect. Glad to be back on track, and I hope this will not make you hate me too much. Thanks again for being so great.

Calm down. Breathe in. Breathe out. Again. Again.

Clarke closed her eyes. A filthy gag was tied over her head, digging into her mouth roughly. She wouldn't have mind that much if it didn't left a sour taste that made her want to throw up.

Her arms were sore, aching constantly. They were tied behind her back, tightly, in a very uncomfortable way. But at least she was sitting on the floor, so she could lie down if she needed it.

Raven was curled up in a corner, turning her back to her. Guilt was eating Clarke alive. Raven had no business here. Her presence was unfortunate and purely accidental. Clarke really shouldn't have let her stay at her place today. She didn't need to get caught up into Clarke's questionable activities. Now, she was pretty certain Raven would never want to have anything to do with her again. Maybe she deserved it.

Clarke was more concerned about Anya. She might be the toughest person ever, but she was human after all, made of flesh and bone, and her body needed to rest. Being kidnapped, tied and thrown into a cell wasn't helping her wound to heal.

The day's events kept spinning around Clarke's mind.

How the hell did everything go so wrong ?

 

_A knock on the door._

“ _Are you expecting anyone else today ?” frowned Raven._

_She hated to be disturbed when she was watching TV. Clarke, on the other side of the room, was trying to feed Anya some crushed fruits. The young woman was getting better quickly. She really was a warrior._

“ _No. Maybe it's Gustus again, with some more clothes.”_

_The hostile-looking man with his beard and tattoos had scared the shit out of Clarke when he came earlier. But then his face lit up with a genuine smile, and he just handed Clarke a bag of spare clothing for Anya._

_Clarke rushed to open the door. It wasn't Gustus._

_She didn't see the fist that landed on her cheek. However, the violence of the impact sent her to the floor, pain blinding her, groggy._

_Somebody grabbed her hair and forced her to lie face down on the floor. She tried to fight back, kicking and resisting as best she could. More hands pushed her to the floor, blocking her every move._

_As her arms were being roughly tied behind her back, she caught a glimpse of Raven. The young mechanic was fighting like a lion. A man punched her in the stomach and she flinched, giving her assailants the time to immobilize her. They put a gag around her face to muffle her screams and a bag over her head to blind her._

_Clarke just had the time to spot Anya who was feebly trying to put up a fight, while a man picked her up in his arms._

“ _Careful, she's injur...”_

_Her outburst was cut short by the dirty fabric someone roughly shoved between her teeth. Then, just like for Raven, they put a bag over her head and the world fell into darkness._

 

The door opened with a creaking noise. A single man entered the room, in his thirties, quite handsome, with a mischievous smirk Clarke wanted to wipe off his face.

“Hello, ladies. My name is Cage Wallace. Let me say that I am very sorry about the brutality you had to face, but I am afraid you wouldn't have been willing to come along otherwise.”

He got on his knees and took off the gags covering their mouths.

“Sorry about that too. We couldn't have you screaming all the way to our base, now, could we ? No one can hear you here, so this is not necessary anymore.”

Clarke opened her mouth several times to practice her sore jaw muscles. Once it was hurting her a bit less, she glared at Wallace and almost spat her words with pure scorn.

“Cut the crap. What do you want from us ?”

Cage Wallace mimicked a shocking expression.

“Wow, what a hot-blooded girl ! With such temper, I can see why Lexa likes you.”

At this moment, Raven let out a cynical laugh.

“Oh, no, please, don't tell me this is about _her_. Clarke, you should really listen to my advice more often.”

“How did you found us ?” asked Anya in a threatening growl.

“I had inside information.”

Cage Wallace began pacing around.

“Don't worry, your nightmare is almost over. I will be meeting Lexa tomorrow morning to discuss terms of a truce. You are only here to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.”

“She's going to find us.” said Clarke. “And you're going to regret laying a hand on us.”

“Oh, come on, Clarke, you really trust her to burst in and save us ?” snapped Raven.

“Both of you shut up.” hissed Anya. “Lexa will do whatever she must do.”

Wallace raised an eyebrow, seemingly enjoying himself very much. He clapped his hands merrily.

“Well, I am going to wish you the best of the nights. I'm afraid the concrete floor isn't much of a comfortable bed, but it's all you're going to get. I'll have one of my men fetch you water later.”

“Don't we get to eat something ?” asked Raven incredulously.

“I am sure you ladies can handle twenty-four hours with an empty stomach.” replied Wallace coolly.

He turned around and left the room without any further explanations, closing the door behind him. Clarke lowered her gaze, unable to face Raven's hurt look.

“Clarke.” asked the young mechanic. “Look at me.”

Slowly, she met her friend's eyes, that were filled with a hardness she hadn't ever seen there before.

“You owe me the truth.” said Raven with a voice that wasn't friendly anymore. “What is that about ? Why am I held prisoner in this place and what part does Lexa have in all this ? Who the fuck is even Lexa ?”

“You don't owe her anything.” interrupted Anya dryly. “You shouldn't tell her anything.”

“I think I do.” sighed Clarke apologetically. “She's here now, she deserves it. The truth is, Raven, that I screwed up. I should have never let you stayed home while Anya was there, because I knew it wasn't safe.”

Raven frowned.

“Why wasn't it safe ? Did you know this could happen ?”

“When I met Anya...” Clarke's voice trailed away, scanning Anya's face for approval that she didn't find. Anya really didn't want to tell Raven the truth, and her animosity was written all over her face. Looking back at the friend she unwillingly endangered, Clarke went on with her story. “She had a gunshot wound. She wouldn't go to the hospital, so I decided to help her. What I didn't expect was Lexa showing up at my door the next morning, threatening to kill me.”

Struck with complete shock, Raven said nothing.

“Lexa is Anya's boss, and they're part of an influential criminal street gang. Well, at least, that's what I gathered. I had to trade my medical assistance for my life, with the promise I wouldn't go to the police.”

“What a perfect background for a love story.” commented Raven pointedly.

“Trust me, Raven, neither of us expected such a relationship out of this. But it happened. My point is, that's the reason Anya was at my house today. That's why I should have known this wasn't safe, and I'm sorry you got dragged into this.”

When Raven finally spoke up, there was a bitterness in her voice that pained Clarke.

“And what, that's it ? I'm supposed to nod and understand ? This is madness, Clarke, and you're a fool for getting caught into this. The outcome of this is frankly terrifying, and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that's all your fault.”

“I know.” said Clarke in a whisper. “I'm not asking for forgiveness. I know I don't deserve it. For now I just need you to trust that Lexa will get us out of there.”

Raven's laugh filled the room.

“Oh, Clarke, you're so naive. You think what you have with her is so damn special that everything will be okay. But does her love for you stretches up so far that she'll risk lives or money or whatever it takes to save us ? Because I'm not so sure, and I guess we'll see, but she's a fucking _criminal_ , and you shouldn't have forgotten that in the first place.”

 

\---

 

Lexa stormed into the room with unmatched fury. She hadn't felt this angry, this hurt since Costia. The visceral fear of losing both of the girls she loved tied knots in her stomach, but it fueled a fire in her that burned high and threatened to consume everything in her way.

Anya. Clarke. Clarke. Anya.

She had to save them. Honestly, she wasn't sure she could survive without them by her side. They were everything to her, the two pillars of her world. Lexa clenched her fists, her whole body vibrating with intensity.

“Hey, Gustus !” she called.

He turned around, noticing her presence at the very same time as her fist landed on his jaw. The shock of the impact left him dizzy, and he spat blood on the floor.

“Lexa, what are you...”

She slammed her hands on his chest and he stumbled backwards, hitting the wall with violence. Her knuckles ached from all the punches she had given today, but she didn't care.

“Did you think I am so blind that I wouldn't see ?”

They were alone in the room, but that was not a problem for Lexa. They were knives and guns hidden in her clothes, and her combat skills were probably enough to beat Gustus anyway. Gustus opened his eyes wide, shaking his head.

“Listen, boss, I don't know what you are...”

She pushed him again, trying to contain the rage that was blurring her vision.

“At least do me the honor of being honest. I know you're a mole.”

Something flashed across his face, and he stood taller, features hardening. Lexa's heart broke. Some tiny part of her desperately wanted to deny the truth.

“How did you know ?” he asked calmly.

Lexa started pacing around the room slowly, like a predator, her eyes never leaving him.

“I had my first doubts at the ambush, when Anya got shot. Very few people knew about that operation, and it was you who gave me the intel about Emerson's routine. When it all went south, I knew something was wrong. But then Clarke and Anya got kidnapped, and, besides me and a harmless guy working for me, _you were the only one who knew where they were._ ”

“So that's what betrayed me.”

“ _You_ betrayed me.” snapped Lexa.

She stilled in the middle of the room, staring hard at the man who used to be one of her closest lieutenants. Mildly disgusted, she watched as he started to explain himself.

“I didn't. You may not see that now, but all I did, I did for you. You're too stubborn, Lexa, too proud, that always was a problem. Cage Wallace is rich, and it would be a great thing for the gang if we have a flourishing partnership with him. But all you can think of is crushing him. I merely gave him the tools to offer you a truce.”

In the blink of an eye, she was on him, pressing a knife to his throat.

“What you gave him,” she hissed, “is the weapon to destroy me. What you gave him, Gustus, is three hostages, two of which are innocent, and the third one counts among your closest friends. You're vermin, Gustus, you make me nauseous.”

“I'm sorry you see it that way. I only ever wanted to help you.” he answered under his breath.

Lexa flinched. She could tell he really believed what he did was a good thing.

“My gut is screaming to kill you. I could slit your throat right there.” she stated, her voice cold as ice. “But I will not. Not yet. First, you will help me get this right. There are three people counting on me right now, and I intend to free them.”

She took a step back away from him and, never looking away from his face, she grabbed a chair. Lexa slowly straddled it, resting an elbow on the back of the chair, her other arm reaching for the weapon tucked in her waistband, on her lower back. She aimed the gun at Gustus, her hand steady. This could take all night.

“You know what Wallace wants, and you probably know how he thinks. Now, you and me are going to spend as much time as it takes preparing every little detail of tomorrow's meeting. I want the hostages freed and safe. I cannot screw it up. Take a seat, Gustus. This is most likely going to take hours.”

 

\---

 

“Get up, it's time to go.”

Neither of the three girls were really asleep. Clarke had barely gotten any rest, and she knew Raven had spent the night sitting in a corner. Anya was laying down, but her eyes were open, had been all night long.

Men grabbed Clarke by the arms to get her up, dragging her behind them roughly. She eyed worryingly Anya, who winced, pale and shaky. Clarke wished those kidnappers were more gentle towards the wounded young woman.

They shoved the three of them in the back of a car with tainted windows, pulling bags over their heads to cover their eyes. Everything was silent as the engine started, and despite the warmth of Anya and Raven at her sides, Clarke couldn't shake off that ominous, distant feeling.

They were driving towards a conclusion to this unfortunate hostage situation, but she had a sense this would end badly. Very badly, even. Like guns-and-blood-everywhere, sirens-wailing-and-people-screaming badly.

 

\---

 

Clarke was walking clumsily, stumbling, blind. She didn't know where she was, but the echo of their footsteps was suggesting a wide, indoor place.

“Stop.” commanded Cage Wallace's voice. “This is the place. They're coming.”

She stilled. She could hear Raven's quick respiration and Anya's ragged, pain breath.

“She needs to at least sit down.” ordered Clarke irritatedly. “She's freaking injured, you dumb assholes.”

Wallace laughed lightly.

“She's going to hang on a few more minutes, I'm afraid. She's not my primary concern, I have more pressing matters at hand at the moment.”

He suddenly stopped talking, as his men quieted down at once. Clarke cursed the bag over her head that didn't allow her to see anything. Something was happening.

Footsteps filled the empty space, far away, at the very end of what could be a gymnasium, perhaps. Clarke thought this could be a group of about twelve or fifteen people, just like Wallace and his men.

Her heartbeat raced up. This had to be Lexa.

The people grew closer and stopped at a distance of maybe ten meters. A crushing silence fell over all of them. All Clarke could hear now was the blood pulsing at her temples.

“Thank you for coming.” said Wallace politely. “Shall we begin our truce negociations ?”

“Hold on.” replied a voice Clarke knew very well. She had never been this glad to hear it. “I need to see the hostages are fine.”

“They are standing right there, as you can notice.” chuckled Wallace.

“I need to see their faces.” insisted Lexa, firm as iron.

A few seconds later, someone removed the bag from Clarke's head, and suddenly she could see. She blinked, eyes accommodating to the light, taking in her surroundings.

The first thing she saw was Lexa, who looked eaten away by worry and sleep deprivation. Then, she saw that they were inside an empty warehouse. And finally, she saw that there were indeed two groups of a dozen of people each, with hostages on both sides. Behind Lexa stood a woman, looking absolutely terrified, and a man with a mean smirk, severely beaten up.

(Clarke's uneasy feeling grew wider, but she couldn't tell why. Lexa was here after all. It was all going to be fine. Right ?)

Lexa's gaze hovered over Clarke and her fellow hostages, and she nodded slightly.

“We can talk now.” she said sharply, turning on her heels and walking towards the opposite of the warehouse, followed by a tall hostile-looking woman.

Cage Wallace went after her, accompanied by one of his hitmen. The four of them engaged in an animated discussion, but they were too far for Clarke to make out what they were saying.

Even from afar, Clarke could tell this was a heated negotiation. She was mesmerized by the intense energy of Lexa, who was at this moment the very embodiment of fierceness and authority. She tore her eyes from them and looked at Anya and Raven.

Anya looked like she was about to pass out at any second. That wasn't surprising, thought Clarke bitterly, given the amount of blood she had lost the day before. She shouldn't be standing for at least a week. Raven, on the other hand, looked tense and ill-at-ease. Once again, she glared at Clarke, her eyes carrying heavy blame.

After what seemed like an eternity, Wallace, Lexa and their sidemen came back. While Wallace looked rather pleased with himself, Lexa's features expressed nothing, as if she was made of marble. Clarke frowned.

(Dread tightening her chest until she couldn't breathe, she tried to shake it off, but...)

The two groups were about ten meters apart, and in between was a scarily empty no-man's-land. Lexa took a few steps, clutching her female hostage. She deftly freed her from the rope tying her hands and pushed her forward. The woman hesitantly started to cross the space between the groups, her legs shaking.

“Don't move.” commanded Lexa, and the woman froze at once. “Now your turn, Wallace.”

Cage Wallace nodded obediently and freed Anya from her links as well. The two women then exchanged groups, walking slowly towards their people. Anya collapsed in the arms of the tall dark woman next to Lexa, as the other hostage started sobbing uncontrollably, hiding behind Wallace.

Clarke started to relax. Everything was going to be fine. Each and everyone of them would be safely returned to their party.

(Something was wrong, but she couldn't exactly fathom what)

Wallace freed her wrists. Clarke bit back a grunt, her arms were sore and aching and had been tied for so many hours that blood wasn't circulating right in it. She tried to ignore the pain and repeated the procedure, mirroring the other hostage's walk. Relief flooded through her the moment she reached the other group.

Lexa brushed her fingers against her cheek, on the bruise that formed itself where she had been hit.

“Are you okay ?” whispered Lexa, her voice so full of concern and tenderness that Clarke's heart melt.

She grabbed Lexa's hand and squeezed it briefly, nodding.

“I'm sorry.” said Lexa, staring right at her with something weird in her eyes.

“It's okay. I'll be fine.” replied Clarke before stepping behind Lexa, waiting for the hostage exchange to go on.

(Unless)

“That's not what I'm sorry for.” The words were faint, barely even spoken, but Clarke heard it all the same.

(What was it ? Why did something felt off ?)

Oh.

(It hit her then.)

Math was never Clarke's strong point, but it was simple enough and she should have seen it sooner.

Wallace had three hostages. Anya, Clarke, Raven.

Lexa had two.

Clarke blinked. It couldn't be.

Across the gap between the two groups, Wallace was clutching Raven's shoulder.

“In light of our new-found peace, and to settle the unfortunate disagreements we had, Lexa and I have come to terms.” he said. “We do have a truce now. But blood was shed and to be even, repayment was required. It is just fair.”

Panic took over Clarke. She grabbed Lexa's arm and forced her to face her.

“What is he talking about ? Why isn't he releasing Raven ?”

“I did everything I could.” whispered Lexa. “But I only had Emerson and the doctor woman, and I needed to save you.”

Denial is a bittersweet thing, and Clarke clung onto it like her life depended on it. Or rather, Raven's life.

The former hostage – Emerson – was handed a gun by Wallace. Raven held her head high and stood a little taller. She seemed to have understood something Clarke refused to accept.

Wallace, the doctor and their men starting walking away, getting out of the warehouse. Only remained Emerson and Raven, Emerson aiming his gun at Raven's head.

At this very moment, Clarke understood. Disbelief flashed across her face and she let go of Lexa like she was poison, running as fast as she could to Raven. She had to do something.

She wasn't fast enough. The noise was so loud, so near it teared her tympans, and in the deafening silence that followed, all Clarke could see was the dead body of her friend, a pool of blood getting wider and wider around her head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm sorry, that really is necessary for the plot. Trust me. All this is slowly coming to an end, and Raven's death is the key to a lot of what is going to happen next. I love that character and it does pain me to write that, but, well.. Anyway, kisses to you all, the next chapter should be up very soon. Hope you have a great summer.


	12. When the World Collapses

When Emerson fired the gun, Lexa felt like the bullet was tearing through the very fabric of her existence. When life was suddenly sucked out of Raven, she felt crushed under the weight of immense guilt and remorse.

This was her fault entirely. Faced with an impossible choice, Lexa had decided to sacrifice an innocent girl. She knew how much damage that simple decision had caused. It had ended a life barely started, it had sowed in Clarke's soul an everlasting hatred for Lexa.

Clarke would never forgive her. Raven's death was on Lexa. And if she could go back to a few minutes, she would make the same call all over again. Choosing Anya and Clarke over Raven was not a decision she would ever regret. It would eat her up with guilt for the rest of her life, yes, but she would never regret it.

It was like she was floating above the scene, detached from her body. Lexa watched as Clarke fell to her knees next to the body of her friend. When Emerson turned away, the med student tried to run to him, to catch him, hurt him, kill him perhaps. Without a moment of hesitation, Lexa snapped her fingers and her men held Clarke back.

Lexa watched as Clarke, helpless, witnessed her friend's murderer get away.

“Let go of me”, she kept yelling, desperately trying to free herself.

Lexa waited until Emerson was out of sight to give the order to release Clarke. Clarke rushed to Raven's side again, crying, speaking a river of words that would never reach Raven's ears.

On very few occasions Lexa had ever felt worse than now. Clarke's pain was hers, added with the heavy burden of knowing it was all her fault.

She did not have the strength to face Clarke. Not today. Maybe not ever.

“Let's go.” she said coldly, and her voice did not waver. That was her thing, whenever she was hurt, she would always pull up a heartless mask. It helped deal with the weight of unwanted feelings.

Lexa turned on her heels and walked away from the warehouse, followed by Anya, Indra and the rest of her men. She knew that Clarke was left alone in the middle of an empty warehouse, mourning in a pool of dark red blood besides the corpse of her best friend. She tried not to think about it.

At least Clarke was alive. And that made it all worth it.

 

\---

 

“Name.”

“Clarke Griffin.”

“Age.”

“Twenty.”

“Marital status.”

“Is that... Is that essential right now ?”

“I'm afraid so.”

Clarke was a complete wreck. Her eyes were dry, but that was because there wasn't a single teardrop left in her body. She felt numb. She didn't even know how she got here.

“Miss Griffin ?”

Clarke opened her mouth, letting it just hang. She didn't know what to say. What was the question again ?

“Miss Griffin, I know this is difficult, but it is crucial that you help us with the ongoing investigation. There is a murderer out there that we need to stop before anyone else gets hurt. Do you understand me ?”

She nodded. Right. The cops were taking it from here. Stop the murderer.

The murderer. Who was that again ? Emerson pulled the trigger. Lexa gave the order. Lexa. Her mind wasn't registering the information quite yet.

“Alright, you're doing great. Cooperation is important. I just have a few more questions about your general life before taking your deposition. Do you live alone, miss Griffin ?”

“I... I do.” she stuttered under her breath. She lived alone. Aside from Raven crashing there all day long, from Lexa spending nights there. Not anymore. Now she lived alone.

“I need your address, miss Griffin.”

“I think I'll take it from here.” interrupted someone. A known voice. “I'm familiar with the girl, and the case.”

Bellamy Blake sat across the table where she was clutching a cold cup of coffee. A joyless smile came across Clarke's lips. Of course, he had to be on duty right now, it was like the universe was mocking her.

“You want to tell me what happened, Clarke ?” he asked softly, the bright lights of the police station creating shadows under his eyes.

Clarke noticed the concern in his voice and the freckles on his face. A good person, he was. Why couldn't she get involved with good people ?

“Clarke, I need you to focus.” he insisted, his tone firm but soothing.

“It's my fault. She's dead.”

“What happened, Clarke ?”

“There weren't enough hostages on _her_ side. She just decided to... To just...”

Bellamy took her shaking hands in his big warm palms.

“This is about Lexa, isn't it ?”

Clarke nodded, broken. Bellamy shifted in his seat.

“I warned you, Clarke. These are dangerous people. They need to be put behind bars.”

His tone wasn't condescending, not even scolding. He was speaking on an even voice, merely explaining facts. Clarke thought he must have been right all along.

She had played a dangerous game. And it was Raven who had paid the price. It wasn't fair. It should have been her, lying there with a bullet in her head.

Clarke corrected that thought. It should have been Lexa.

Clarke banished that thought. It shouldn't have been anybody.

She closed her eyes and breathed a few times, trying to keep at bay the terrifying amount of feelings that were about to destroy her.

“You do understand now ? That we need to stop Lexa ?”

Ever so calm, Bellamy's voice had that relaxing quality to it. It was making a stark contrast with the cold violence that occurred earlier in that warehouse. It seemed like it was just a minute ago, and at the same time Clarke felt like a hundred years had gone by since then. Either way, Bellamy's warm voice was making her nauseous. It didn't feel right, she didn't deserve kindness.

“Are you ready to help, Clarke ?”

She just wanted him to go and take everything in the world away with him. She wanted to be left alone so she could just curl up on the floor and close her eyes. Just like Lexa had abandoned her earlier. She wanted to stop hurting, to stop feeling, to stop thinking. She was so exhausted. She couldn't do this anymore.

“Will you tell me everything you know, Clarke ?”

Bellamy was persistent. He wouldn't let this go. He was fierce and determined, righteous and filled with good intentions. He was everything she was not. And oh she was so tired.

It would feel good to let go, perhaps.

“Yes”, she said finally in a whisper, feeling empty but finally ready to cooperate. Ready to place her fate and Lexa's in Bellamy Blake's big, warm hands. “Yes, I'll help you.”

 

\---

 

The first days passed by in a haze. The funeral was particularly difficult to witness. Clarke did her best to avoid Kyle and Raven's family, because it was unbearable to know their loss was partly her fault. Octavia came with her, which warmed Clarke's heart a little. She knew Bellamy probably asked her to do it, but it felt a little comforting to have a friend around, even though they hadn't been on the best of terms lately.

Soon, though, Clarke began to lose her balance and everything turned to chaos. The worst were the nightmares, every night like clockwork, where she had to relive the scene with some morbid variations.

Emerson pulling the trigger on Raven, Lexa watching. Emerson laughing and shooting Raven, Lexa watching. Emerson killing Raven, Lexa laughing. Lexa pulling the trigger, Emerson laughing. In every nightmare, Clarke was standing there frozen, unable to do anything, while Raven begged her to save her, insulting her sometimes.

She would wake up covered in sweat, and would spend the rest of the night crying quietly, shaken to the core.

Her attendance to her med classes were sporadic, her focus erratic, until the day her supervisor told her she wasn't fit to exercise anymore. Clarke nodded, recognizing that she was indeed dangerous to the patients. She told her supervisor that she needed a break.

A week later, the administration called her to say they had been contacted by the police. According to the laws of the establishment, anyone having brushes with criminal activity could not be a member of the staff or the student body, because it would endanger everyone else. Clarke wasn't sure of what were the exact explanations. The thing is, the police was watching her closely and she had been recognized as an accomplice of criminal activities, so she got kicked out of med school.

Another thing to blame on Lexa. With her career crushed before it even begun, Clarke had even more resentment towards her. The police started to search everything in her life. They gathered enough evidence of Clarke's knowing of Lexa's activities to convict her.

She was to go on trial soon. Oh, that wasn't very serious, she would at most get some community work hours. But it was enough to destroy her dreams of becoming a surgeon.

Clarke was left with nothing to do, ghosts haunting her and endless hours thinking about everything that went wrong in her life.

 

\---

 

“ _Clarke ? Is everything okay ?_ ”

“Not really, mom. I... I really wanted to talk to you.”

“ _What's wrong ? Is there anything I can do for you ?_ ”

Everything was wrong, and no, there wasn't anything anyone could do about it. Clarke bit back her words. She tried not to yell at her mother that Abigail Griffin was never there for her.

“Actually, yeah, there's something.”

“ _Anything for you, Clarke. Just ask me.”_

“I really need to get away from the city for a while. Do you think that maybe I could come home for some time ?”

Clarke held her breath. She realized very well how much she needed her mother to say yes. She knew it was vital for her to get away from this dull city where everything and everyone she cared about was snatched away from her.

“ _Of course. You can stay for as long as you want.”_

Clarke let out a relieved sigh. She would just have to dodge every nosy or intrusive question her mother would unmistakably throw her way everyday.

She checked with the police station and left them her mother's address, so that they could contact her anytime. She was to keep her phone with her at every moment of the day.

Clarke was feeling trapped. Guilt and self-loathing were eating her alive, devouring her from the inside, tearing her apart. She needed some air.

 

\---

 

And there she was, back in the house she swore she would never set a foot ever again. The house where she grew up as a happy child, with loving parents and a huge backyard to play into.

They had been such a perfect family. Clarke had had everything a child could ever dream of. It had felt like heaven. But then, her parents had started fighting, mostly because her mother had turned into a bitter, jealous woman. One terrible night, Clarke had to cover her ears and fight back her tears, trying to block out what would be her parents' very last argument. Having had one too many drinks, Jake Griffin had driven out of town for a ride, just to blow off some steam. He never came back.

It all went downhill from that point. Her mother, grieving widow that she was, neglected her daughter and threw herself into her work. She was a well-renowned, impeccable surgeon. She also was a terrible mother. When Clarke turned eighteen, she headed for the city and a brand new life, deciding to never look back.

Back into her old room, Clarke started painting again. It had been a long time, but her hand seemed to have a memory of its own and it all came back pretty quickly. It was cathartic.

Clarke painted empty warehouses and smiling monsters holding hideous guns. She painted red stains on floors, tied prisoners and braided hair. Wait. Not braided hair.

Her hand was very often drawing things of its own will. And it wanted to draw Lexa a lot. Clarke never allowed it, though. Every time she realized what she was doing, she would destroy it, her whole body shaking.

 

\---

 

“I made dinner.” informed Abigail Griffin playfully.

Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Since when do you know how to cook ?”

Her mother looked offended.

“Hey, it's been more than two years since you left. I had time to learn.”

Just like Clarke had to learn when Jake died because Abigail was to busy working to take care of it herself. Clarke smiled through gritted teeth.

“Bring it on.” she said.

It was just fried chicken with rice, but it was well cooked, and the sauce was delightfully tasty. Clarke had to admit that it was indeed very good. Mother and daughter were pretty silent, just content to eat with each other. They knew it was always better when they didn't talk, because then they couldn't argue.

“So,” tried Abigail casually, “I wanted to tell you something.”

“What ?” snapped Clarke, her fork clattering on her plate.

“That I'm sorry.”

That was unexpected. Taken aback, Clarke couldn't think of an appropriate reply.

“I'm sorry,” continued her mother, “that I have been such a bad parent. I'm sorry that I wasn't here for you. I never realized how much I had left you behind until you left me. I truly am sorry, Clarke. I hope you can forgive me.”

Something stirred inside Clarke. There were things she could never forgive. But she wanted to try, for her own sake.

“I called your school.” said Abigail carefully as her daughter stilled. “They told me about you taking a break because your friend died. And they told me the other thing...”

“That I'm kicked out because I knowingly helped criminals?” hissed Clarke, overflooded with shame and anger. “That's really none of your business, you know...”

“Stop.” interrupted her mother. “I won't ask you about it because I know you don't want to, and I trust you. You're my daughter, I will always stand by you. I just wanted to ask. Your friend who died, was it someone I knew?”

Astounded for the second time in so many minutes, Clarke had to fight back tears. She had missed a mother so much.

“Yeah. It's Raven.”

Abigail flinched. She had known Raven very well. She got up and hugged her daughter hard.

“I'm sorry.” she whispered in Clarke's hair, her hands tracing soothing circles in her back. “I'm so sorry.”

Clarke stopped fighting her tears. Wrapped in her mother's embrace, she finally let go, quietly sobbing until her body, exhausted, calmed itself at last.

 

\---

 

After that incident, she decided to get back on track. She had found peace in the most unexpected place, and she was glad she did. Her relationship with her mother had been a painful thing for so long that she had forgotten how it felt to be on good terms with family.

Once that was sorted out, Clarke found it a lot easier to focus on constructive thoughts. She knew she couldn't hide away from the city that had hurt her forever. She couldn't hide from her past forever.

Not yet. She needed closure.

But Clarke wasn't content with letting the police do everything. She couldn't just stand on the sidewalk, waiting for Emerson and Lexa and all the others to get arrested.

She had to do something. She just _had to_.

She found the answer within her nightmares. Right after Emerson shot Raven, he dropped the gun and Clarke was finally able to move. The first nights, she just frowned, not sure what to do with that reaction of her subconsciousness.

In the nightmare, Clarke would pick up the gun.

After a week, the idea settled in her mind and started to spread like a disease. A disease that tasted like salvation.

She would pick up the gun and get revenge for Raven.

It slowly became a certitude. It was the only way she could ever feel free again, the sole solution to lift up a bit of the burden that was dragging her down. She had to avenge Raven.

What did she have to lose? She already lost her best friend, her lover and a promising career. And she would not be able to live with herself if she didn't at least try it.

Clarke decided she would put a bullet in Carl Emerson's brain, just like he did for the innocent girl that was her best friend.

Then, she would have closure. Then she would be able to move on.

Her mind was still a blurry mess when it came to Lexa. But Clarke decided it was best if she just tried not to think about her.

 

\---

 

Clarke returned to the city after genuinely thanking her mother for her hospitality. They hugged for a really long time, trying to convey every emotion they hadn't been able to communicate during all those years.

More determined than ever, Clarke threw all her focus into her revenge plans. There was just a problem in her plan.

There was only one way to find Emerson, and that involved contacting Lexa. Clarke had to think of something else. The mere idea of Lexa left a sour taste in her mouth, a mixture of hot kisses and cold backstabbing. It hurt more than anything else in the world.

But, then again, Clarke never took the time to analyze her feelings. As soon as Lexa crossed her mind – which was a lot more than she cared to admit – she would always push back the thought, trying hard to think of anything else. She _refused_ to let her mind wander towards Lexa.

She wasn't sure how to survive if she did start to think about her. So Clarke just focused on Emerson and how to get to him.

It was during a casual dinner at a restaurant with Octavia that Clarke found the solution to her problems. It did involve blackmailing, but Clarke really didn't care. It was only one step further into the darkness that had crept up into her life and swallowed everything like a giant fog of poison.

 

\---

 

It was the third time now. Clarke promised herself to snatch the phone from Octavia's hands the next time she beamed at it like a complete idiot.

She didn't have to wait long. Halfway through dessert, Octavia's phone buzzed lightly. While ranting tirelessly about summer dresses and what colors shouldn't be trendy, the girl moved her hand to grab her mobile casually.

Clarke, fast as lightning, intercepted it.

“Hey, what the hell ?” grunted Octavia, trying to reach for her precious device.

“Back off, Octavia, I want to know whose messages it is that cheer you up so much.” replied Clarke with an amused smile.

The other girl was relentless and quick, and she got it back within seconds. During those seconds, of course, Clarke had seen what she was looking fo, hoping for. It was something she had expected for days. Triumph roared inside of her as she looked into her friend's eyes.

“Lincoln.” she stated. “You're still seeing him.”

Showing signs of obvious nervousness, Octavia shifted in her seat.

“I do.”

“Despite your brother's warnings.”

“Yes.”

Clarke tilted her head on the side. Now came the tricky part : blackmailing.

“You know he's dangerous, Octavia. You shouldn't hang out with criminals.”

“Says the girl who slept with his boss.” retorted Octavia.

Well, that was a low blow. It hit Clarke as hard as a whiplash.

“You got me. But it's over. Your brother's right.”

“You're not going to tell him about Lincoln and me, right ?” pleaded Octavia, genuinely worried.

Clarke pretended to be unsure about what to answer.

“I don't know, Octavia... I should, you know. For your own good.”

Octavia took her hand and squeezed it.

“Please, Clarke. Don't. I love him.”

“I suppose I could keep your secret”, sighed Clarke, “but on one condition.”

“What would that be ?” asked Octavia defiantly.

“You're going to arrange me a meeting with Lincoln.”

“What ? Why ?” protested the girl, extremely confused.

“There is something I need to do. And Lincoln can help me.”

Octavia frowned. She knew that whatever this was about, it was bad.

“I don't feel comfortable about this, Clarke.”

“I'm not asking for your approval, Octavia.”

“I don't know. I don't like this.”

Clarke casually looked down at her nails.

“That's too bad. But I guess Bellamy wouldn't like this either. I mean, your relationship thing.”

Octavia raised her hands, defeated.

“Alright. I'll ask him to see you.”

“Thank you.” smiled Clarke, satisfied. “Tomorrow would be great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pace in this chapter was slower, as I chose to focus on Clarke's journey through grief. Last update seems to have shocked some of you guys, sorry again, and I could never thank you enough for your support, you're the best !


	13. Collision

Lincoln didn't waste any time with smalltalk. As soon as Clarke slid across the table into the booth, he crossed his arms.

“What do you want ?”

His voice was harsh but neutral. Clarke wiped the polite smile off of her smile. Good. She didn't want to pretend she had honorable intentions.

“The guy who killed Raven.”

As usual, mouthing these words, full of all the lethal, horrible truth, hurt her physically. She could feel the pain irradiating through her body, a faint ache in her muscles and something cold as ice settling in her bones, leaving her nauseous.

Lincoln ordered two coffees for them. Clarke let him some time to think about her demand. She studied him carefully. He looked more dangerous than she remembered, his shoulders broader and his jaw sharper. None of them said anything more until the waitress came back with their drinks.

“I heard you're going to be on trial”, finally said Lincoln.

Clarke shrugged, sipping her coffee. The drink helped shaking off the sick feeling she was experiencing. The bitter taste felt good on her tongue.

“What do you care ?”

“You need to be careful in the meantime. The charges are light right now. It's in your best interest to keep it that way.”

Clarke drummed her fingers on the table, staring at him.

“What I intend to do with that man is none of your concern, Lincoln. And I really don't think you're the ideal person to give me legal advice.”

“What exactly do you want from me ?” he leaned closer. “Capture him and bring him to you ?”

As he said it, his voice full of irony, Clarke understood that Lincoln wouldn't be very helpful. She didn't reply, waiting for him to offer her something, anything.

“This is peace, Clarke. The streets are safe for all of us, all trouble with Cage Wallace is cleared out. I'm not putting that at risk because of your little vendetta. There is no way I am doing any harm to Emerson and the truce just for you. I'm not putting any more lives on the line to satisfy your petty need of revenge. If you're not okay with that, you can leave right now. Go to Octavia's brother, if you want. But this not something I'll help you with.”

Clarke clenched her jaw. She was thinking fast. She had to find a solution.

“Then don't get involved.” she finally answered. “I just need information about him. Just tell me where to find him, and I'll take it from there.”

Lincoln thought about it for a minute, silent.

“I don't think Lexa would agree with that arrangement.”

Her heart pounding, Clarke balled her fists, trying to contain the shaking of her body.

“I don't _care_ about what _she_ would think.”

Her voice was low, barely more than a whisper, but she hissed her words with such vibrating intensity that Lincoln shifted back in his seat, his features darkening.

“You've got some nerve blackmailing Octavia.” stated Lincoln. “Don't you see this is madness ?”

She shook her head impatiently.

“Comply to my demands and you two will be fine. And don't try to reason me. Don't try to tell me this is insane. It's not. I know what I have to do. This is no one else's business.”

“You're just avoiding the real issues.”

She frowned, taken aback slightly.

“And what would that be ?”

“Accepting the truth.” he firmly replied. “Your friend is dead. Nothing will bring her back. You're mistaking your grief for anger. You're just refusing to let in the sadness.”

Clarke swallowed back tears of rage, ready to snap back something, but Lincoln wasn't done.

“And I know this is none of my business, but you should talk to Lexa. You two need to speak about this to get over it. You look exhausted. You've got bags under your eyes. Lexa's barely the ghost of herself. She's as professional as ever, but something's changed. Anyone can see it. Your shadow is accompanying her every step she takes. And clearly she haunts you too.”

Clarke's face was tense and the look in her eyes was dark. She breathed in and out several times, trying to keep her voice even and firm.

“You're right.”

Lincoln raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting that answer.

“You're right.” she repeated. “This is none of your business.”

She slammed her empty cup on the table.

“I need an answer now, Lincoln. Make up your mind. You tell me what I need to know, or I tell Bellamy what he needs to know.”

Lincoln put ten dollars on the table and stood up, preparing to leave.

“I'll call you.” he said, glaring at Clarke with resentment. “However, mark my words. This is not going to end well for you.”

He was already out of the coffee shop when Clarke eventually answered, her words reaching nothing but empty air.

“At least this is not going to end well for Emerson either.”

Justice, she kept telling herself, was all that mattered. And it was what she was aiming at.

Lincoln honored his promise. He called that night, telling her all she wanted to know about Emerson's location and habits. She didn't sleep until dawn, fomenting her plan.

 

\---

 

Lincoln spent the two following days thinking about what to do. It was Octavia that decided him at last, when he told him everything about his conversation with Clarke.

“I know Clarke.” she said. “She's stubborn, and she's fierce. She won't let this go. She's going to make the biggest mistake of her life if you don't do anything.”

Octavia paused and snuggled closer to him, slowly stroking his arms.

“I understand why you did it, but you never should have helped her.” she whispered. “I love you. I really do. But things are going to turn nasty if Clarke acts. There must be another way out of this.”

“I know that she needs help. She has to come to reason.” Lincoln answered, preoccupied. “But she won't listen to me, I don't know her well enough.”

Octavia stayed silent for a moment.

“I can't speak to her either. She always thought I was impulsive and made foolish decisions sometimes, she won't listen to my advice on that.”

She shifted in his embrace and looked at him.

“Clarke needs two things.” she observed. “First, she needs someone she respects to tell her not to screw up her entire life. And then, she needs to get closure with Lexa. The math is pretty simple, Lincoln.”

Lincoln nodded.

“I know. But I would have to tell Lexa that I'm seeing you.”

“We'll figure it out.” replied Octavia, her eyes soft and trusting. “The priority is to knock some sense into Clarke, and I'd bet Lexa is the only one who could achieve that.”

 

\---

 

“You have a week to make up your mind.” said Lexa once Lincoln told her everything. “Leave that Octavia girl, or quit your occupations here. I can't have one of my lieutenants dating a cop's sister.”

Her face was as stern as marble, her eyes focused and cold. Lincoln lowered his head, looking torn apart.

“You can trust her”, he pleaded, “I vouch for her.”

“One week. Not a day more.” snapped Lexa, her tone sharp as a blade.

He lifted his head and nodded slowly.

“And about Clarke,” he began, “will you talk to...”

“That will be all.” she cut him short, turning her back to him. “You can leave now.”

Lexa waited until he was out of the room to let her emotions show. Her shoulders slumped, and she felt like the lump in her throat was blocking her lungs. Her lower lip shaking, she took a ragged breath.

Clarke. Of course she was about to do something incredibly fierce and stupid. She had the mind of a ruthless leader, just like Lexa, but she had something more, a vivid sense of empathy that drove her to inconsiderate decisions.

It wasn't hard to figure out that she wanted to kill Emerson. Lexa swallowed back the urge to murder Lincoln as well for being so stupid and spill out the information Clarke needed to do so. And the mere idea of Clarke going to jail – of Clarke taking the blame for something Lexa had provoked in the first place – was unbearable.

If Clarke went on with her plan, if she lost her freedom and her very soul into that hopeless deed, then everything Lexa had done would have been for nothing. She would have sacrificed Raven and her own feelings for nothing.

The peace with Wallace was a frail thing, just like a tightrope walker hovering on a wire above an endless abyss. Lexa hated him more than anyone in the entire world, but she put up with him for the sake of her people. They didn't need another bloodbath, and that topped her irresistible longing of erasing him from her streets.

Clarke killing his right hand man would inevitably have terrible consequences. Lexa knew that Cage Wallace would blame it on her. She had to prevent that from happening, if it wasn't too late already.

And more than anything, she had to save Clarke from the depths of darkness that were threatening to swallow her whole. She just didn't know if she was capable of such a thing.

 

\---

 

Clarke ran a hand through her hair. Her gear was ready. Her knives were sharp and cold under her clothes, and the gun was cleaned and loaded. She had been amazed to see how easy you could buy a gun on the streets. The object itself fascinated her, a true paradox of its own, small but carrier of a certain death.

She tucked it in her waistband behind her back. She put on her jacket, concealing the weapon.

“This is it.” she whispered for herself.

Tonight, she was getting revenge for her friend, she was putting an end to Emerson's miserable life. He deserved death. Raven deserved justice. Clarke deserved peace. Everything just led to the inevitable conclusion, like a magnetic puzzle falling into place irresistibly. Clarke was moved by forces that she couldn't even control, and she wasn't trying to fight it. She was embracing it with all her heart, because that was what she required to survive.

She took a deep breath and got out of her bedroom, heading out of her apartment.

She jumped when she saw the outline of somebody in her side vision. She knew who it was before she even turned around. Lexa was here, on her couch, she had broke into her apartment like she had done before. Clarke was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions she couldn't even begin to fathom.

The air in the room felt heavier at once. It felt hotter too. Clarke froze in the middle of her living room, eyes riveted on Lexa, incapable of deciding how to react. Lexa slowly stood up and walked closer. Clarke couldn't move. The air was so thick she could have cut it with a knife.

“What are you doing here ?” she asked in a whisper.

Her voice was surprisingly calm, just a little shaky. It didn't reflect in any way the storm of feelings raging inside of her.

“You look tired.” replied Lexa softly.

Clarke flinched. Lexa's voice was as she remembered, after all those weeks. It had been almost two months since Raven's death, but it had felt like an eternity.

However, Lexa herself was different. She was still as indecipherable as a statue, but something had changed in her features, something dark and imperceptible was marking her, like an insidious curse. Her eyes, so deep and beautiful, looked so terribly sad it was heartbreaking.

Or, rather, it would have been heartbreaking if Lexa hadn't already shattered Clexa's heart to pieces.

“You should leave before I...” Clarke's voice trailed away.

What did she want to do ? There were a thousand things she wanted to do, a thousand things she wanted to say. Toss Lexa to the ground and hit her, push her hard until she was backed up against the wall and punch her, grab her and crush her into her arms, whisper in her ear how much she loved her and how she hated her, yell at her for not saving Raven, fight her, cry on her shoulder, hurt her, hurt her.

“Why are you here ?” asked Clarke, feeling inexplicably tired.

“Lincoln told me what you want to do.” said Lexa simply.

That drove Clarke mad. Was that all Lexa had to say ? Nothing about Raven, and nothing about Clarke, was her precious peace agreement with Wallace all that she cared about ? Did she even ever cared ? She shoved Lexa, hard, and the girl stumbled backwards.

“Fuck you, Lexa.” she hissed. “Get the fuck out of there before I kill you.”

Lexa lifted her chin and stepped forward again, the very embodiment of assurance and determination.

“No, Clarke. You need to hear me out. You're following a dangerous path. You don't want to do that.”

Clarke pushed her roughly again. This time, Lexa kept her balance.

“Yes I do. You were too fucking scared to stand up for her, but I am _not_ like you, I stand for what is right, and it is _right_ that he dies !”

Clarke prepared herself to shove Lexa again, but the other girl grabbed her arms mid-air, holding them firmly.

“I understand you're mad at me. But let's not make this about me. This is about you not becoming a murderer.” answered Lexa ever so evenly.

Clarke freed herself violently and unconsciously scratched her arms where Lexa touched her, her nails leaving white trails on her bare skin.

“How can you be so damn calm? Don't you _feel_ anything ?” she spat.

Something flashed across Lexa's face. She stared at Clarke scratching her arms with a hurt expression. Good, thought Clarke. Let her know she couldn't stand touching her anymore.

“I control my feelings. I don't allow them to rule me and drive me to do inconsiderate things.”

“You know what was inconsiderate ? Killing my friend. You didn't even blink while you sentenced her to death.”

“I had no choice. There is not a day that passes that I don't remember her, but the situation was a dead end. I wish I could have saved her, Clarke.”

Clarke clenched her jaw and ran her hands through her hair, looking around with rage and despair. Her breath was shaky and she was completely lost.

“You say you don't let your feelings rule you, but you're a liar. You could have let Anya die instead. Or me. We both deserved it way more than Raven did.”

Lexa said nothing for a moment. Clarke was pacing around the living room, her mind blurred by a series of paradoxical emotions.

“Anya is my flesh and blood, my pillar, my family and my friend.” explained Lexa softly. “And I love you.”

The words were a whiplash hitting Clarke with force, tearing through her skin and muscle, vibrating through her bones. She stepped closer to Lexa until their faces were only inches apart, searching for something in her eyes.

“I hate you.” whispered Clarke with intensity. She meant it. It was only half of the truth, but it was true nonetheless.

Lexa winced. For just a second, she looked helpless and Clarke wanted nothing more than hug her, kiss her senseless, tell her it was all okay.

“You need to stay put, Clarke. I believe your trial is very soon. Do not make this worse for you.”

“I lost my friend, Lexa, because of you. I lost my career. Because of you. I feel awful all the time. _Because of you._ This is something I have to do. You're a killer too. You should understand that need.”

It was as if Clarke had just slapped her.

“If you do that, you will not feel any better. What you don't know is that killing someone kills you back. You don't come back from this. Every value that made you the human you were just vanishes. It haunts you forever.”

“Great speech.” murmured Clarke. “But it's hypocritical coming from you. You didn't look so sensible when you were ready to murder me the first time we met.”

The other girl remained quiet, her eyes intense and soft.

“How many people did you kill that couldn't offer you something in exchange like I did ?” Clarke raised her voice angrily. “How many girls did you screw and toss aside once you got what you wanted from them ? How many lives have you ruined, Lexa ? And how many fucking lives have you ended ?”

She raised her arms to push her again, but Lexa grabbed her and pinned her against the wall. For the first time, she was showing real emotion. And she looked extremely angry.

“You're out of line, Clarke.”

“Don't touch me.” breathed the blonde girl.

She shifted to free herself but Lexa held her firmly. Lexa slowly leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, her eyes boring into Clarke's soul.

“I'm sorry, Clarke. Please don't do this.” she whispered, regaining her composure.

Clarke pushed her away and headed towards the door.

“Go to hell.” she simply answered before disappearing.

Lexa was left alone with the pounding of her heart and a faint ache tightening her chest. She took a few moments to recover, her breath shaky and uneven. _I hate you,_ she said. _I hate you._

 

\---

 

She was hiding her head under her hood, following Clarke from afar. Lexa was really worried. Clarke had left in an emotionally unstable state, and she was heading towards Emerson's house. Murder is one thing, but commit murder when you're particularly distressed is a whole other thing.

Clarke was all rage and nerves, hot-blooded and impulsive. She wasn't careful enough, whereas she should be extremely focused. She wasn't even noticing that she was being followed by Lexa. She was likely to get herself killed.

Lexa palpated herself. She had four knives and two guns. She hoped it would be enough if Clarke's frenzy led them into a deadly situation.

Lexa slid into the subway as the doors closed. She stayed in the back of the wagon, watching Clarke. The girl was almost glowing with fury.

They stopped at the suburbs. Lexa kept up with Clarke's rapid pace, feeling extremely uncomfortable. This was too fast. It was dangerous. It couldn't succeed.

Clarke slowed down in front of a small house. It has to be Emerson's house. Lexa walked up to her, silent and nimble as a panther.

When Clarke spotted her, she only looked surprised for half a second.

“Of course you followed me.” she mumbled, drawing her gun.

“Don't do that, Clarke. You're too emotional to be careful. You're putting yourself at risk.”

Clarke glared at her.

“I don't care.”

“I do.”

“Then be useful.” she snapped, entering the garden decidedly.

Although there was nothing in the world Lexa would like less than help Clarke commit murder, she knew Clarke's mind was made up. She might as well make sure the girl didn't get killed in the process. Pressing her lips together, she followed Clarke into the garden.

Onto the porch, Clarke eyed Lexa expectantly and thrust a knife into her hand.

“You're so good with latches.” she whispered bitterly. “Take care of this one. Otherwise I am going to blow it off with a bullet, but then we can kiss goodbye the effect of surprise.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and bent over, focusing on the latch, her trained hand disabling the lock with a twist of her wrist.

“Stay behind me.” she let out in a breath, entering first into the house, drawing her concealed gun.

The door opened without a creek, which was a blessing. It was a modern house, sparsely decorated, with few furniture and a couple of odd abstract paintings on the wall. Lexa stilled, her senses exacerbated, taking in her surroundings. Behind her, Clarke seemed clumsy and her breathing was too loud. Lexa hovered a hand over the girl's face, gesturing for her to stay calm, putting a finger on her lips to notify her to be quiet.

Lexa moved around the living room, acknowledging quickly that the place was empty. If Emerson was here, he was upstairs.

She put her foot on the first step, slowly applying her weight on it. She propped herself up silently. Lexa gestured for Clarke to wait for her downstairs. Partly because she was too noisy, but also because she preferred her to stay safe.

It took her about five minutes to climb up the stairs, expertly testing the steps before walking on it, studying the thickness of the wood and the wear of the varnish. Once she was safely arrived upstairs, she glanced around the corridor defiantly.

There were three closed doors, and Emerson could behind any of them, waiting for her with a loaded weapon. However, Lexa doubted it. She had been as silent as a shadow.

She slid closer to the doors, her ear alert. And then she heard it.

An even breathing. The respiration rhythm of a man who didn't know he was being tracked down and hunted to be killed.

In a second, Lexa clicked the safety off of her gun and kicked the door open, her weapon drawn. She allowed herself to breathe. Emerson was lying on his bed, unprepared, and although he was now sitting up, he was harmless.

“Arms above your head.” muttered Lexa.

She hated to have to do this. She wished Clarke wasn't so stubborn. She was going to have to deal with so much trouble if the blonde girl decided to get on with her plan.

Clarke stormed into the room and stilled when she saw the man who killed her best friend.

“Get up.” she said, her voice cold as ice, completely forgetting Lexa's presence.

“Clarke”, began Lexa soothingly, “just wait. Think about it.”

“I've thought this through well enough. Back off, Lexa.”

Her tone was harsh and dry, dripping with something hostile and painful – hatred, thought Lexa, her heart sinking.

Emerson slowly stood up. His face was pale. He was frightened, realized Lexa, because he knew what they were here for.

“Do you even know her name ?” asked Clarke, aiming at his head, her hand steady.

“Don't do this.” he pleaded, sweat forming on his brow.

“Her name was Raven Reyes.” Clarke went on. “She was twenty-one years old, and she was a mechanic. A good one. She loved having fun, she liked comedy movies and pancakes. She had a whole life ahead of her, with a nice boyfriend and a loving group of friends. She was the most amazing person I have ever known. And you put a bullet in her head.”

Lexa leaned against the wall, frustration building up inside of her unbearably. She knew that in this moment, there was nothing she could do for Clarke. And Clarke hated her.

“You're a nice girl.” tried Emerson. “You won't be able to live with yourself if you do that.”

“I won't be able to live with myself if I don't.” snapped Clarke back.

She clicked the safety off of her gun.

“I'd ask if you have any last words or wishes, but that wouldn't be fair. You didn't leave that chance to Raven.”

Emerson closed his eyes, quietly sobbing.

“Clarke...” began Lexa, walking towards her to stop her. It only triggered Clarke's determination.

The sound of the gun was deafening.

Clarke hadn't missed her target.

Emerson was lying on the carpet, dead. Clarke didn't move, didn't even lower her arm holding the gun.

She finally dropped it when the pool of blood came close to her shoes, and she stepped back.

“I did it.” she whispered. “I killed him.”

Lexa slowly picked up the gun, careful not to leave any trace of their presence here.

“You did.” she said, staring at the girl. “And now you've lost a part of yourself. Welcome to the night, Clarke.”

Clarke could not take her eyes off of the corpse.

“I killed him.” she repeated, fists clenching and opening erratically.

“Do you feel any better ?” asked Lexa bitterly.

A pause.

“No.” admitted Clarke in a breath. “I'm not sure I ever will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys once more for all the kudos and comments, I love hearing what you think of the story. I'm having such a great time writing this, and you're giving me such a positive feedback, it makes me genuinely happy. There are only a few more chapters left now, I hope you enjoy this ride as much as I do. With all my love.


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